


code blue

by written_you_down



Category: Bastille (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Dan!Wikipedia, Idiots in Love, M/M, Penguins, so yeah kyle and dan are doctors
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 37,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26024770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/written_you_down/pseuds/written_you_down
Summary: The first time Kyle met Dan was in the middle of June.
Relationships: Kyle Simmons/Dan Smith
Comments: 182
Kudos: 92





	1. capillary action

The first time Kyle met Dan was in the middle of June.

It was just before they were both due to begin their residencies at Nola Medical Center. They arranged the meeting via email and, per Dan’s instructions, Kyle scanned the room for someone wearing glasses and a black t-shirt. Within moments, Kyle spotted a bloke with dark, somewhat-styled hair, wearing tortoise shell glasses that framed a pair of ridiculously blue eyes. 

Dan had opened his mouth with a droll “Hullo,” and Kyle was pleasantly surprised that he had met another Brit. It wasn’t that Kyle was tired of being completely surrounded by Americans day in and day out… to lift a word directly from the American vernacular, they were awesome, but still. Dan’s accent reminded Kyle of home and, well, that was awesome, too.

They were at a brewery that was close to both Kyle’s apartment and the hospital. New Orleans was a place full of accents, which was something he genuinely loved about the city, but his and Dan’s were the most unusual ones in the room. 

“I’m Kyle,” he answered and shook Dan’s hand. He watched as Dan’s eyes honest-to-god smiled in reaction to Kyle’s voice. 

“Where are you from?”

“Same place as you, judging by your accent,” Kyle grinned.

“London, then?” Kyle nodded in confirmation and Dan wondered, “What’d you reckon the chances are that they would pair the two of us together for this rotation?”

“Astronomically small. But I’m not sad about it. I was worried that they’d stick me with a residency partner I had nothing in common with.” Kyle leaned forward, in hopes of getting the barkeep’s attention and obtaining a drink. “Which might’ve been fine, but this, this seems even better.”

Dan gave a small smile in response and then looked up to study the chalkboard that hung behind the bar. His eyes scanned the selection of beers, “Jesus. They do love their IPAs here, don’t they?”

A burly man with an impressive beard came over to take their order. As he did, Kyle asked conversationally, “Exactly how stout would you say the stouts are?”

The man raised an eyebrow. “I dunno, dude. Stout.”

Dan attempted to cover his laugh but only succeeded in creating a fairly loud snorting sound. Kyle wasn’t sure how it was possible, but the barkeep’s eyebrow raised even further. “I’ll take the stout,” Dan managed.

“I’ll try the sour,” Kyle said. 

“Before you ask, it’s a sour sour,” the barkeep said in a dry tone before he turned to fill their glasses at the tap.

Kyle leaned towards Dan, “I think he likes us. We’re off to a fantastic start.”

The corners of Dan’s mouth curved up in a smirk. “It’s good that he has to prepare the drinks in front of us because otherwise there’s a fair chance he’s spitting in yours.”

Kyle pretended to be affronted. “Excuse you.”

“Y’all realize I can totally hear everything you’re saying, right?” The barkeep set their pints down in front of them. “Starting a tab?”

Kyle nodded and handed over his credit card. “Yes, with hefty tips for you, my new best mate…. um, sorry, I didn’t catch your name?”

“Steve.”

“Wonderful. I’m Kyle, I live nearby so I’m sure we’ll meet again.”

“Great.” Steve began to move away to tend to another customer, but before he could, Kyle waved him back over. “Yes?” 

Kyle pointed to his left. “This is Dan. We’re partners—”

Steve sighed and interrupted Kyle. “Dude. Love is love is love and I’m happy for y’all, but I’ve really gotta get to the other people at the bar.” 

They watched him go in silence and both drank their beer. Kyle set his glass down first and looked at Dan. “Right. So it’s possible that Steve thinks you and I are life partners.”

“I’d say that it’s one hundred percent certain that he thinks we’re life partners, yeah.”

“Well. That’s a bit awkward. I mean, you and I have only just met, and I don’t even know if you currently have a girlfriend… or a boyfriend. And now Steve has us practically married to one another.” 

“I don’t,” Dan replied.

“Don’t what?” 

“Don’t currently have a boyfriend.” He glanced at Kyle. “Or a girlfriend. But then, I’ve never had one of those, so.”

_Oh._ Kyle thought. 

“Same here…looks like we have all sorts of things in common,” Kyle said, hoping that he had recovered with some amount of composure. “And cheers to that.” He held his glass towards Dan.

Dan tapped his glass against Kyle’s. “Cheers,” he said and Kyle thought he saw that tiny smile return to Dan’s eyes, but he couldn’t be sure. 

—

By the time the first day of the residency began, almost two weeks later, Kyle knew all types of things about Dan.

Dan was fueled mostly by copious amounts of black coffee. 

Dan threw his head back when he laughed. 

Dan’s grandfather had gone to medical school at Yale, and, idolizing him, Dan had followed in his footsteps and done the same. 

Dan was brilliant. 

Dan was beautiful, and Kyle sort of wanted to have his babies. 

Kyle was smart enough to know to keep that last fact to himself. (Dan wasn’t the only one who had just completed medical school, thank-you-very-much.) He had spent enough time around Dan to observe that Dan left no space in his life for anything outside of his studies. Kyle strongly suspected that this was the reason Dan was single. Unless it turned out that there were major skeletons in his closet, like, _actual_ bodies. Otherwise, some bloke would have scooped him up long ago. 

Since meeting at the brewery, they had been in contact every day. It was great and Kyle enjoyed all of it, but he wondered if he was only being allowed access to Dan’s life because they had been paired together. 

Which led Kyle to now— the first day of their residency. A day he had looked forward to with equal parts excitement and dread. He and Dan were in a small group with their fellow residents, waiting for their attending physician to materialize. Everyone was wearing their freshly made name badges and new scrubs and seemed to be full of nervous energy. 

The energy grounded to a halt when the door opened and a scowling bearded man strolled in. He made his way to the front of the room and faced them. “As you might have gathered, I’m Dr Farquarson, the attending of this ER. Welcome to the most challenging years of your life.” As he spoke, his eyes flickered across their faces, appraising and moving on from each of them. “I suppose you’ve been congratulating yourself up to this point for making it this far and getting into this program. You might have even spent extra time in front of the mirror this morning admiring how these scrubs made you feel, what they represent….”

Fair enough, Kyle thought. He had done as much. The scrubs had looked nice on him. He glanced briefly at Dan. They certainly looked nice on Dan. 

He snapped back to attention and noticed that he unfortunately had attracted the notice of Dr Farquarson. Kyle gave a small smile that made Dr Farquarson narrow his eyes in response. 

“… well you can let that nonsense go now. Consider this day one of your real education. It all begins now.” He walked over to Kyle and stood in front of him. “Let’s take a moment to examine a case study. You have a 70-year-old female present with suspected TTP. You have a small window of opportunity to treat the patient and resolve the disease before it progresses and does irreversible damage. What is your best course of action?”

Before Kyle could begin to put the pieces together—because seriously, what the shit. He’s known this guy for two minutes and he’s already the worst—he heard Dan’s voice. “Consult with pathology about a plasmapheresis.”

Dr Farquarson gave his best impression of a smile and set his sights on Dan. “While you are surprisingly correct, Dr. Smith. I was actually hoping to hear from Dr. Simmons.” The pager clipped to his pocket suddenly beeped in alarm and he sighed as he checked the message. “I need to answer this, so I’m afraid you’re off the hook this time.” He glanced up at the rest of the group. “Wait here, when I return, we’ll take the official tour. Try to contain your excitement in the meanwhile.”

Kyle met Dan’s eyes and as they exchanged looks, Kyle knew that the two of them were now definitely in this thing together. 

—

“I can’t believe we were the only ones given homework,” Dan muttered. He waited just behind Kyle and shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

“I blame you entirely.” Kyle’s voice came from over his shoulder as he fiddled with the fussy lock on his apartment. He was renting a place that was in a beautiful antebellum house that had been split into multiple units. With its wraparound porch and high ceilings, Kyle had fallen for it instantly. It was only later that he discovered it’s more eccentric features—the lock being one, light switches that served rooms other than the ones they were located in being another, and then there was the possible ghost/ spooky pipes in the washroom… and so on. 

The lock clicked into place, and Kyle shoved the door open. Dan followed him in and tossed his backpack on the sofa. “Me? You were rubbish at it as well.”

“What? Was not. You looked as if you were about to faint when you saw the needle and that made the entire thing more difficult, didn’t it?” Kyle reached into his bag to retrieve the items they had procured for their assignment. He placed all of them on the table, settled in a chair and gestured at Dan to do the same. “Come on then.”

Dan’s eyes grew wide at the sight of the plastic tubes, gloves, alcohol preps, tourniquets and vacutainers. “Well shit. We’re just going to do it straight away?”

“Dan.” Kyle sighed. “How did you get this far into it and you’re this scared of needles?”

Dan folded himself into a chair. “Who the fuck actually _likes_ needles? I just thought I’d sort this bit out when I absolutely had to.” He frowned at Kyle. “Don’t look at me like that. I’m not completely without hope… I got that TTP question, didn’t I?”

“You did. That was wicked. I’ll give you that.” Kyle slid the supplies towards Dan. “As a reward, you can go first.”

“That’s a rubbish reward,” Dan huffed as he stretched the purple latex gloves over his hands. He broke the sterile seal of the vacutainer, set it down on top of its packaging, and then glanced up at Kyle. “Which arm?”

Kyle inspected his arms. “Well, you sort of butchered them both earlier—“

“Sorry bout that,” Dan winced. “Really…”

“I’m only joking. I’m fine.” Kyle shifted and moved the left side of his body towards Dan. He rested his elbow atop the table. “Try your luck with ole lefty here.” He watched as Dan tied the tourniquet around his arm and began to study the bend of his elbow. Dan seemed to make a decision and then uncapped the vacutainer. At the last second, he hesitated. “Dan. Just do it at a slight angle. My vein is right there you don’t have to— fuuucck.” Kyle swore as Dan stuck him.

“Sorry! Sorry. Wait. Wait. Wait.” Dan reached for the empty purple top tube, and as gently as he could manage, slid it into place. He openly cheered as he realized that he had successfully collected Kyle’s blood. “Yessss. Thank fuck.” He reached up and released the tourniquet.

“Careful, now. You sound like a blood thirsty vam— fuuucck. Warn me before you just jerk that thing out of my arm.” Kyle grabbed a piece of gauze and held it on his arm as he grimaced at Dan. “Did you get it? Dr Farq-you-son said we only had to collect one tube apiece.”

Dan triumphantly held the tube up like it was some sort of trophy. 

“Fantastic,” Kyle said. “Now label it and let’s get on with it.” He watched as Dan wrote Kyle’s name on the tiny sticker. Dan was stalling and taking as much time as he possibly could. “Dan. Come on. It doesn’t take that long to spell my name. Now give me your least favorite arm; it’s your turn.” 

Kyle watched as Dan paled and felt a little guilty for giving him so much grief. Dan seemed to be terrified. Kyle worked quickly and kept up a steady stream of conversation in hopes that it would make things easier for Dan. He placed his hand on Dan’s arm. “Your veins are ridiculous. This should be easy peasy. Not a big deal….” Just before he was about to do the actual stick, he met Dan’s stare. “You know, your veins are _almost_ as gorgeous as your eyes.” Kyle watched as Dan looked at him in shock.

Distracted, Dan stammered, “Wait. Wha—“ before unleashing an elaborate stream of swears as Kyle stuck him. 

Kyle bit his lip to keep from laughing and hurriedly completed his task. Within a few seconds, he was done. “I’ve got it. It’s over.” He labeled the tube with Dan’s name and chattered, “Good thing we’re not trying to be surgeons. Doubt they’d let us practice surgery on my kitchen table.” 

Dan was still scowling as he tended to his arm. “Do you plan on seducing all of your patients anytime you need a sample? Or was that just for me?”

“Just you.” As the words left Kyle’s mouth, he honestly wasn’t sure how much of it was a joke and how much the truth. Dan blinked and seemed to be considering him. 

“Kyle. We have to get through this residency together. I don’t know that openly seducing me on the first week is the best idea.”

Kyle really was trying to listen but was distracted by Dan, who moved closer to him while he spoke. Kyle felt himself grin. “Are you sure about that? As far as ideas go, I’d say it’s one of my better ones.” He leaned forward. “I mean. Here we are… we could—“ He broke off as he heard a terrible noise come from his washroom. 

Dan jerked back in surprise and turned to look behind him. “What… what was that?!”

Kyle sighed. His beautiful-stupid-possibly-haunted apartment was derailing his moment. “Chauncey.”

“I thought you lived alone?” 

“I do, mostly.” Kyle shrugged his shoulders. “Chauncey is what I call that terrible noise. It’s either the pipes in the loo or a ghost. Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse.”

They didn’t speak for a moment, as they waited for the racket to end. Finally Dan said, “That is tremendously loud. It doesn’t keep you awake at night?”

Kyle shrugged. “No. I’m a heavy sleeper. Landlord says it’s harmless. Though I must say, Chauncey’s timing tonight is terrible.”

The corners of Dan’s mouth twitched up just smidge before he shook his head. “I really should go. I need to go over my notes from today, and there’s some reading I need to do…”

“You have notes? Already?”

Dan looked almost scandalized at Kyle’s questions. “Of course I have notes. You don’t?”

“Well no, but we could always just, I don’t know, order pizza and you could show me your notes. I’d love to see them.” Kyle grinned widely at Dan.

Dan tilted his head in Kyle’s direction. “Are you trying to seduce me again?”

Kyle laughed. “Is that the way to get to you? Shared study notes and pizza?”

Dan paused and considered the question. “Maaaaybe,” he smirked. He stood and went to grab his backpack. He slung it over his shoulder. “But I really can’t tonight.” 

Kyle followed him to the door. “This weekend?” He watched as Dan thought it over and added, “I promise that we’ll actually study.” 

“The weekend then, yeah.” Dan reached his arms around Kyle, hugged him, and disappeared out of the apartment before Kyle could even properly react. Kyle battled with the lock for a moment and then leaned his back against the door. 

He wasn’t one to gloat, but Kyle was pretty sure that he just had the best first day of any medical resident, ever.


	2. auditory perception.

There were moments when Kyle regretted everything. 

Thankfully they were far and few between. Kyle couldn’t claim that he loved the gory traumas that rolled through the ER doors, but he knew he was helping the patients. He could keep a level head, and he could care for them in their time of need. It was ridiculous to say out loud, like something you’d see on an advert, but his job helped to save lives. 

So, no, it wasn’t the gore that made him think twice about his career choice. It was what he was doing now that triggered his gag reflex, that made him see his job for the messy, disgusting thing that it was: He was preparing to remove a blockage from a patient’s ear. It was a simple enough procedure, one that nurses—god bless them— performed the majority of the time. However, today was Kyle’s not-so-lucky day and this case was his responsibility. In his very short residency, this was the second time he’d done this particular procedure. As such, he was permitted to perform it with just Dan in attendance. The two were paired with Dr. Barnes, a faculty doctor who had triaged the patient’s history with them and would inspect Kyle’s work afterwards. 

Kyle and Dan stood on the left side of the patient, both focused on his ear. Kyle gripped the syringe that was full of saline in one hand and the small metal pick that he held in the other. He turned his head to the side to take a deep breath and caught Dan’s eye. Dan was holding a small plastic bin and offered it to Kyle. “Do you want to trade places?”

Kyle shook his head. “It’s fine. I, I—“

“Sorry, what did you say!?” the patient called Ralph spoke suddenly, startling both Dan and Kyle. Fortunately, they were trained professionals and didn’t drop the items in their hands. 

“Everything is fine, just try to remain as still as you can,” Kyle told Ralph as steadily as he could. It was important to project calmness. He didn’t want Ralph to have any doubt that he was in capable hands. 

“What!? The thing in my ear is blocking the sound on that side. You’ll have to yell at me if you’re standing to my left. It’s fine. My mom has been screeching at me for weeks.”

Kyle didn’t want to raise his voice because he was nothing if not an absolute pillar of strength. But he had no choice in the matter, if he wanted to communicate to Ralph while doing the procedure, he would have to do it by yelling.

As respectfully, as professionally, with as much dignity as he could manage, Kyle bellowed, “SIR! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT. PLEASE REMAIN AS STILL AS IS HUMANLY POSSIBLE.” As long as Kyle ignored the laughter that Dan, that ridiculously handsome traitor, was just barely concealing, Kyle felt as if the situation was completely in his control. 

Kyle brought the syringe to Ralph’s ear and gently pushed the plunger to expel the saline. He did his best to not feel squeamish about whatever it was that he was about to irrigate from Ralph’s ear. He reminded himself that what he was doing was going to enable Ralph to go back to his life with his hearing intact— that gross as this may be, it was helpful. He saw the earwax come to the surface and tried to imagine that it was literally anything else in the world. 

Kyle’s focus was completely shattered when music suddenly started playing at top volume.

“EVERYBOOOOODDDDYYYY…”

Once again, Kyle and Dan jumped in surprise. “What the—“ Kyle managed.

“ROCK YOUR BOOOOODDDDYYYY…”

“Sounds like the Backstreet Boys,” Dan supplied, unhelpfully.

“BACKSTREET’S BACK! ALLLRRRIGHT….”

Hands full and unable to do much else, Kyle cut his eyes at Dan. “Yes. I know it’s the Backstreet Boys, but where is it coming—“

Ralph spoke up, “That’s my mom, sorry. She loves that song.”

All three men remained where they were, listening to the Backstreet Boys and waiting for the phone to silence. Once it finally did, Kyle lifted the metal pick and as gently as he could, probed at the mass in Ralph’s ear. He gestured at Dan to come closer with the plastic bin. Dan moved to Kyle’s side but startled when the phone started up again.

“EVERYBOOOOODDDDYYYY…”

“So very sorry,” said Ralph.

Kyle muttered through gritted teeth and tried to focus on the disgusting task at hand. He handed Dan the syringe, took the bin from him, and swore that he heard Dan softly singing along. He glanced at Dan and was met with those smiley eyes of his as Dan sang “yeaahhhh.”

“If you start doing the dance right now, I swear I am done with you,” Kyle muttered under his breath. Dan smiled and slightly shifted his weight from side to side in time with the song.

Dan’s face was pure innocence. “Can’t a lad just sway from time to time?”

Kyle watched Dan sway for a second and felt his annoyance fade. Jesus Christ. Dan was far more fucking adorable than any grown man had any right being. Kyle attempted to smother a grin and turned his attention back to Ralph. 

He used the pick to remove the clump of gunk the saline had irrigated out of Ralph’s ear canal. He scraped it on the inside of the bin and then gave all of it to Dan. Dan placed the lot of it on the counter. “I’ll go fetch Dr. Barnes.” He disappeared from the exam room.

Kyle moved to stand in front of Ralph. “All done,” he proclaimed. 

Ralph’s face broke into a smile. “Holy shit. I can hear you! Thank you.”

Kyle nodded. “You’re welcome. It’ll just be a moment more. Dr. Barnes will have to give your ear a final look to make sure you’re good to go.” 

As if on cue, Dr. Charlie Barnes made his way into the room with Dan following close behind. “Mr. Pellymounter, hello!” He placed the patient chart under his arm and reached over to shake Ralph’s hand. “I’m Dr. Barnes, I’m just here to make sure you’ve been taken care of by our capable residents.” He scanned the pages of the chart. “You came in today with a loss of hearing due to a blockage in your left ear?”

“I did,” Ralph confirmed. “But Dr. Simmons took care of it. I can hear everything again.”

Dr. Barnes glanced at Kyle with a small smile. “Good. I’m glad. He’s becoming our go to man for ear canal irrigations.” He reached into his lab coat’s side pocket and pulled out a small instrument. “I’ll just take a quick look with the otoscope here to make sure we got everything. Won’t hurt a bit. Just shining a light in.” He moved to Ralph’s ear, inspected Kyle’s work and said, “Mr. Pellymounter…”

“Ralph. Please call me Ralph.”

“Ok, Ralph. How many days was your ear blocked?”

“About three weeks. But I could still hear until the past week or so.” 

Kyle glanced at Dan. Three weeks was a long time to wait to seek help. Kyle was trying to imagine going a week without sound in his left ear. 

Dr. Barnes continued in a conversational tone, “Do you have a primary care physician? I didn’t see anyone listed on your chart.” 

Ralph sighed. “No. I don’t. I, I don’t have health insurance so I put this off as long as I could. Honestly, I would’ve waited longer but my mom was worried. My mother is a very persistent woman.” Ralph grinned as he saw Dan and Kyle exchange smiles over the mention of his mother. “She called a few times during the procedure.”

Dr. Barnes clicked the light off on his otoscope and moved back to face Ralph. “Ah, that explains all the music coming from the room earlier. I just thought perhaps Dr. Simmons’s methods were a bit… unorthodox.” He made a note on Ralph’s chart and then met his stare. “Everything looks great. It was very nice to meet you.” He nodded at Kyle and Dan before leaving the room.

“Ralph, do you have any questions about anything?” Kyle asked.

“No. I’m good. Thanks for helping me out.”

Kyle nodded, “Of course. So If you would, wait just a moment for your discharge paperwork before leaving. Enjoy the rest of the day.” He moved towards the door, but glanced back as he grabbed the handle. “And oh— you should probably phone your mum.” 

—

Later that day, just after the sun had set, Kyle and Dan found themselves back at the brewery. They were carefully balancing the cardboard trays that contained the dinner they had purchased from the food truck parked out front. Snagging a small space at the bar, they waited their turn to order.

It wasn’t long before they were approached by Steve, whose face bore no expression. Kyle wondered if Steve practiced that look in the mirror or if he’d been born with an air of nonchalance. He pictured Steve as a baby, surveying the world for the first time and declaring it to be only meh. Steve’s voice was as dry as ever. “Well, if it isn’t my favorite partners. What can I get you two love birds?”

Kyle grinned and watched as Dan’s cheeks flushed red. “I’ll have the kolsch.” He leaned on Dan’s shoulder. “How about you, boo?”

Dan’s mouth fell open, and for a moment it seemed as if he was going to protest. Instead, he turned to Steve and said, “Just the stout for me, please.” As Steve moved to get their beers, Dan looked back at Kyle. “So you’re not bothering to correct him, are you?”

Kyle shrugged. “What would be the point? Steve sees what he sees. Wise man, that one.” 

Steve spoke without looking at them. “Again. I can hear y’all.”

“And what of it, Steve? We have no secrets from you.” Kyle leaned forward and traded his credit card for the pint in Steve’s hand. “In fact, I’ll have you know that Dan and I have a song and everything.”

Hearing Kyle’s words, Dan nearly choked on the beer he was attempting to swallow. 

“That’s real tender,” Steve replied. “Do I even want to know what it is?”

Kyle sipped his beer and announced, “It’s by the Backstreet Boys.”

Steve raised his eyebrow just the smallest amount, and Kyle knew that he had amused him. The realization filled him with a strange pride.

“Let me guess. ‘Shape of My Heart’, right? So perfect for y’all.” Steve walked away before they could answer, and they sat in stunned silence.

Dan spoke first, “I would’ve never taken him for a boy band fan….”

Kyle took a bite of his taco and chewed thoughtfully. “I feel so seen right now. How does he _know_?”

Dan gave the tiniest smile in the history of the universe before reaching over Kyle’s arm to steal some of his tortilla chips. It was a testament to how much Kyle liked Dan that he didn’t immediately swat him away. In fact, it wasn’t until Dan dared to dip the tortilla in Kyle’s queso dip that he reached for Dan’s ribs. Hoping for the best, Kyle crooked his fingers into Dan’s side and was rewarded when Dan burst into laughter. 

“I’m sorry,” Kyle stilled his hand and taunted Dan. “Did you actually say hee-hee-yeah as you giggled just now?”

“Oh, fuck off. I—“ Dan threats were cut short as Kyle dug his fingers back in, “Hee-hee-yeah. Fuck. Hee-hee-stop…”

Out of nowhere, two glasses of beer were set directly in front of them on the bar. They both froze and found that Steve had returned. “These are on the house, but only if the tickle war stops now.”

Kyle wrapped his arms around the glasses and pulled them close. “So basically you’re rewarding me for torturing Dan?”

“Honestly, dude, I’m just tryin to nip this in the bud before you two break out into a pillow fight. This is a brewery, not a slumber party.”

Kyle turned to look at Dan. “Now there’s an idea. What do you say to a slumber party over at my place? Me. You. Chauncey. Pajamas…or not.” 

Dan pushed his glasses up across the bridge of his nose and huffed out a sigh. “Kyle. You, we can’t just…”

Kyle watched Dan in amusement and sipped his beer. “Oh, fine. Your way then. Full pajamas for the three of us. We’ll paint our nails and prank call Dr Farq-you-son. Nice and wholesome, just like you.”

Dan wrinkled his nose. “I am not wholesome.”

Kyle grinned. It was like arguing with a kitten. He grabbed one of his tortilla chips, dipped it generously in his queso and then held it up to Dan as a peace offering. “Noted. Not wholesome, whatsoever.”

“Why do I feel as if you’re not taking me seriously?” Dan took the chip and promptly ate it before Kyle could change his mind and take it back.

“Believe me, you’re my favorite person— well, aside from Steve— in this entire city. I take you very seriously.” 

As Kyle’s words registered, Dan’s eyes went from smiley to something more gentle. He glanced down for a moment as if to gather his thoughts and then looked back at Kyle. “Is that right?” 

Kyle leaned against Dan’s shoulder. “I can prove it.” Dan didn’t move away and Kyle tried to act as if that hadn’t made his heart start thumping in a loud, transparent way. He picked up the cup that held his beloved queso dip and placed it in front of Dan. “It’s yours. I can give you no higher honor.” 

Dan’s reaction was so damn wholesome that Kyle quickly changed his mind- there was no higher honor than to be on the receiving end of that lopsided smile.

Kyle knew he was in over his head, but he regretted nothing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [hee-hee-yeah](https://twitter.com/piano_hands/status/1297525196413337601)


	3. theobromine

“Sorry. I’m expected to do what, exactly?” 

It wasn’t often that Kyle saw Dan caught off guard while on the job and rarer still to see him sort of question authority, but this was what Kyle would call an extenuating circumstance. 

They were huddled in the hallway just outside of exam room 4. Within the room was a small child who, when he wasn’t attempting to land karate kicks at anyone he felt was coming too close to his injury, was running around in circles. Kyle felt bad for the little guy. He had been bitten by a spider of some sort and had a huge raised bump around what was essentially an open wound. It looked painful. Kyle knew for a fact after checking the chart that he had a fever, and his lab results indicated an infection. The kid had to feel rotten. 

Still, the kung fu moves were uncalled for. Kyle had only just dodged a chop to his neck as he tried to get a look at the kid’s arm. 

So when Dr. Barnes assigned Dan the task of actually having to collect a sample to send to the lab, Kyle felt as if he had dodged a bullet. There was an instant sense of relief at not being sent directly to the front lines. Though, to be sure, he would certainly miss Dan if he didn’t make it out in one piece. 

Dr. Barnes met Dan’s stare. “You’re expected to swab the infected site and collect an adequate sample for the lab to culture. I’m sure you understand the importance of this…” He raised an eyebrow at Dan and waited for an answer.

Dan nodded. “Without knowing what the bacteria is susceptible to, we’re only guessing as to which antibiotic will most effectively destroy it. It’s just that he…. he is going to punch me.”

Dr. Barnes laughed. “Now, I doubt that.”

“He looked me in the eye and said ‘I’m going to punch you.’ He seemed pretty clear.” Dan glanced at Kyle for confirmation.

“It’s true. I heard him,” Kyle supplied. The kid had certainly sounded as if he planned to see the threat through. Kyle could only hope that the punch wouldn’t be directly to Dan’s face— it was such a nice face. 

Dr. Barnes didn’t sigh exactly, but it seemed as if he wanted to. “Well. The patient is seven years old. You are both adults. I think the odds are in your favor.” He turned to walk away, but called out over his shoulder as he went: “If it gets too dicey, you can always ask his mother for help.”

“Do you think he’s serious? About asking the mum?” Dan wondered. 

“Mate. Even if he isn’t, we’re totally going to enlist her.” He tapped Dan on the side of his arm. “Let me have a look at the chart again…” 

Dan handed it over just as a nurse passed them in the hallway. Dan watched as she looked up and smiled, “Hi, Kyle.”

“Laura! Hey,” Kyle grinned. “Wait. I thought you were off today.”

“I’m covering for Jan.”

“Ah. Her kid had that appointment. I forgot it was Wednesday.” Before she was out of earshot, Kyle added, “Can you check back with us in a bit? We may need your expertise in room 4.”

“Sure. Let me get settled.” She disappeared behind the door that led to the break room. 

Kyle opened the chart, commenting as he read. “Billy Washington has to be the most American name I’ve ever heard….” He glanced up to find Dan staring at him. “Wha—“

“I’ve been meaning to ask you… how is it that you know every nurse on staff? And their schedules?”

“You’re not jealous are you?” Kyle smirked. “Because you know I think you’re—”

“Don’t even finish that. It’s just...“ Dan trailed off as another nurse walked by them en route to the exam room 3.

“Kyle! What’s up? You’ve got the kid in 4? I heard he’s got a black belt. Let me know if I can help.”

“Too right, Lisa. Might have to take you up on that.” Kyle shrugged at Dan’s pointed expression. “I’m a friendly sort of person, Dan. There are worse qualities to have, you know.”

Dan looked as if he wanted to say more, but let it drop. Instead, he refocused on their mission and asked, “Do you have the swabs?” Kyle pulled them out from the pocket of his lab coat and Dan sighed, “I guess it’s now or never.”

Kyle followed Dan into the room and saw their young patient holding his arm protectively against his body. He fixed a glare on both of them. Kyle took a minute to remind himself of Dr. Barnes’ words — this was a child and he was a full grown adult. Surely, he had nothing to fear. 

Dan approached the patient with great caution, as if he were encountering an injured animal in the wild. “Billy, hi. It’s Dr. Smith again. I just need to have a look at your arm one more time.”

Billy narrowed his eyes until they were practically slits. “Why do you talk so weird?”

Billy’s mom reacted immediately. “Billy! Do not be rude to the doctor. He’s trying to help you get better.”

Dan nodded in her direction. “It’s alright, Mrs. Washington—“

“Patricia. Please call me Patricia.”

“Right then. Patricia.” Dan focused on Billy and continued, “I talk weird because I’m not from here. This is how people sound where I’m from. You can ask Dr. Simmons, if you don’t believe me. We’re from the same place.”

“He’s telling the truth,” Kyle added. “Don’t we sound the same?” He watched as Billy seemed to consider what they were saying. Kyle was hopeful that they were making some progress with him because as Billy remained silent, his glare began to lessen. 

Billy looked at Kyle and then Dan and then retorted, “You both should go back there and leave me alone. Please.” 

Kyle actually sort of respected the addition of please. As if that would keep the kid out of trouble with his mum. 

“Billy!” Patricia looked horrified. “Apologize. Now.”

He shrugged and muttered, “Sorry.”

Kyle glanced at Dan and wanted to make so many jokes about a seven-year-old child attempting to have them deported, but filed them away for later use. 

Dan attempted to soldier on. “Ok. So, Billy. Do you see these swabs?” He held them up in the air and waited for Billy to nod before he continued, “Good. I need to touch them to your arm. It won’t take long and I’ll go as fast as I can.”

Billy shook his head vehemently. “No!”

Dan inched his way closer and quickly jumped to the side as Billy flung his uninjured arm in his direction. He looked at Patricia, “Would you mind holding him? If you could just try and keep him still.” He looked back to Billy. “I’m sorry. I know it hurts. But we have to do this to help you feel better.”

Patricia wrapped her arms around Billy in an attempt to keep him from moving. He struggled and thrashed from side to side. Kyle watched the scene and tried to determine the best way to help without (a) upsetting Billy further and (b) sustaining injury himself. He decided his best course of action was to secure Billy’s ankles as he was trying with all his might to kick Dan.

Kyle was being as gentle as he could, but Billy was furious at the restraint. He began to scream. Dan tried to get close enough to touch the swab to the wound without cross contaminating it to anything else. Unfortunately, the welt was on the inside of Billy’s arm and Dan could not easily reach it. He moved in, Billy swung wildly and Dan’s chest caught the brunt of the attack. Billy’s small fist landed against Dan with a thud. Kyle tried to stretch out and pull the kid’s closed hand away from Dan. Kyle was sure that the four of them looked like a bizarre human pretzel as they twisted around each other. 

It was then that the door opened and Laura walked in. Her eyes flitted around the room as she took in the scene. “I’m so sorry to interrupt, but Dr. Simmons, Dr. Smith could you please assist me with something? We’ll need to step out into the hall for just a moment.”

They both eagerly moved away from Billy, dodging his arms and legs. 

Once in the safety of the hallway, Dan exhaled loudly. Kyle looked at him and asked, “How many times did he hit you?”

“Too many. How are we supposed—“

“I have a plan,” Laura said. “But I’ll need a bedsheet. Give me one second…” She turned on her heel and disappeared around the corner.

Dan raised an eyebrow at Kyle. “I dunno,” Kyle shrugged. “But I welcome all plans at this point. Are you alright?”

“I’ll survive. He’s strong for such a little bugger.”

Laura reappeared with Lisa at her side. “Ok, so I brought reinforcements. We’re going to wrap him up in this sheet. Immobilize everything except the arm that you need to swab.”

“Wrap him up?” Dan repeated.

Laura nodded and glanced at Kyle. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

Kyle smiled. “I absolutely do. Tell me what I need to do.”

“Lisa and I will handle the sheet. Once we have him wrapped up, Kyle, you’ll need to hold his elbow so he can’t bend it. Dr. Smith, that’s when you collect the sample.”

Kyle and Dan followed the two nurses back into the room and followed their lead. The two women were all smiles as they confidently approached Billy. 

“Hi,” Laura said brightly. “What do you know about mummies?”

Dan and Kyle exchanged a glance. Mummies? Sure. Why not?

Billy answered her in a tone friendlier than anything either had heard him use all day, “That they’re all wrapped up. And they stick their arms out like this,” he extended both of his arms out. “And that they scare people.”

“So scary,” Lisa agreed.

“Do you want to pretend to be one right now?” Laura asked. “That’d be cool, right?”

“So cool,” Lisa confirmed. 

Kyle could practically read Dan’s thoughts right now and concurred with him. No way Billy was falling for this. No chance.

Billy considered the question. “Ok.” He smiled at the nurses, suddenly docile. “What should I do?”

Kyle watched Dan’s eyes widen slightly and felt his own do the same. 

Who was this child and what had he done with Billy? 

Laura smiled. “Awesome. So come stand here and stick your arms out.” Billy meekly walked to her and did as she asked. “Lisa is gonna start wrapping you up like a mummy, starting at your ankles. Can you spin in a circle and help her out?”

Billy grinned and turned slowly as Lisa wound the sheet around his body. As she reached his waist, she pointed at his uninjured arm and said, “Why don’t you lower this arm here for me? Let’s wrap it up too!”

Kyle and Dan watched in absolute disbelief as Billy did exactly what Lisa asked him to do. It was like she had cast a spell on him. Kyle couldn’t wait to ask them about it later, he wanted to learn everything that they knew. 

Once Billy was essentially held in bondage, Laura jerked her chin in their direction. They both leapt into action, knowing that they had a limited amount of time before Billy turned on them again. Kyle got there first. “Alright, mate. I need to borrow this arm.” He gently took his arm and held it at the elbow to keep it flat. 

Billy’s eyes filled with fear as he watched Dan uncap the swabs and reach towards him. Kyle wasn’t sure if he was planning to attack Dan or to run as far as he could in the other direction. Billy struggled against the sheet in vain. It was no use, he couldn’t move. 

Kyle was going to build statues in honor of Laura and Lisa— they were bloody brilliant. 

And Dan…Dan was on that kid like a pickpocket. He was so smooth and moved with such quickness that it was over before Billy could formulate another plan of assault. “All done!” he declared. “Billy. We’re done. It’s over. It’s going to be ok.” 

Billy looked from Kyle to Dan and then burst into tears. 

They looked helplessly at Laura and Lisa. 

Laura reached her arms out towards Billy and he hugged her. She patted him on the back and gestured at two men. She pointed at the door and waved goodbye. It was all Kyle could do to not break into a full sprint to escape the room. Thank christ he hadn’t tried to practice pediatric medicine. It was _exhausting_. 

Once they were in the hallway, Kyle immediately headed to the break room. He went to his locker, spun the combination, opened the door, reached up and grabbed a bag he kept stashed on the top shelf. Locking it as he went, he hurried back to the nurses station. Lisa and Laura looked up as he marched up to the counter in front of them and dramatically set the bag down in front of them.

In a booming voice, Kyle announced, “For you, my heroes, to express my eternal gratitude. All I ask is that you teach me your ways.”

They laughed and clapped in glee as they saw what he had brought them. “Kyle always has the _best_ stuff!” Laura exclaimed and dug into the bag of chocolates. 

“Ohhhh. Is that Godiva again?” Lisa grinned.

“Of course,” Kyle said. “And just take the entire bag. I owe the both of you after what you did back there.”

“You’re totally welcome. Anything for you.” Lisa leaned to hand the bag to the other women who had gathered at the spectacle, which only grew as they discovered what was inside of the bag. As they did, various voices could be heard calling out Kyle’s name, thanking him, or telling him that he was the best. Kyle could only laugh--unexpected chocolate brought such joy to people. 

Laura’s voice rose above the others, “We’ve got your back anytime you need us, Kyle. You know that.” She reached up to give him a high five. He gladly reciprocated and then turned around and saw Dan openly gaping at the scene from a few paces away. 

“Thanks again,” Kyle called as he walked over to Dan. 

Dan immediately began moving in the opposite direction. “Come with me,” he told Kyle. Kyle followed silently until they had turned the corner and were out of earshot from the nurses. 

“Wha—“

“You’ve been bribing them with chocolate!” Dan accused. “That’s why they all like you so well!”

“Come now. Surely, it’s not the _only_ reason for liking me. I mean, you like me and I’ve never given you chocolate.”

Dan opened his mouth and promptly closed it. Kyle wasn’t completely sure but it looked as if the tops of Dan’s ears were turning red. 

“Listen, Dan,” he continued. “They all work, like, ridiculously hard. And they’re brilliant. They’re fun to talk to and they know all sorts of things. You saw how they were with Billy. It’s not just about chocolate. Though, certainly, chocolate makes everything better.” 

Dan didn’t reply. He simply shook his head with a look of disbelief and continued going down the hall. “We need to catch up with Dr. Barnes and let him know that we were able to collect the sample.”

“What, are you upset? Over a little thing like that?” 

Dan remained silent.

“Dan! Seriously. That’s a bit dramatic, don’t you think?” 

Kyle watched as Dan walked faster to escape the conversation. Not knowing what else to do, Kyle let him go and assumed that they would sort it out later.

—

The next morning, Kyle dragged into work and hoped things would be back to normal with Dan. He had wanted to go to the brewery with him after the previous day’s shift, but Dan muttered something about having to go to the grocery store. 

Kyle wasn’t the type to be completely dependent on someone, but he kept reaching for his phone to text Dan before he remembered that he shouldn’t. He wasn’t sure if they were in an actual disagreement, but something was definitely off. Dan clearly needed some time to work through whatever it was that was bothering him. 

It really didn’t make any sense. 

It wasn’t as if they were in some sort of competition with each other. If anyone was team!Dan, it was Kyle. He felt as if he had made that pretty clear. Short of getting down on one knee to ask for his hand, Kyle felt as if he had made his interest in Dan crystal clear. 

But it had been a weird day. Dan had been assaulted by a small child. Kyle was more than willing to let the entire thing slide. 

Kyle walked into the break room and greeted the few nurses who were putting their things away, getting ready to begin their shifts. Kyle went to his locker and lingered there, away from the others, waiting for Dan to show up. Before long, the door swung open and Dan appeared, carrying a shopping bag. 

Dan went directly to Kyle. He reached into the bag and pulled out a giant chocolate bar that had a red bow smashed on top of it. “This is for you because... I think that there are loads of reasons to like you. You don’t need to bribe anyone. I’m sorry I was a dick. Forgive me?”

Kyle took the bar of chocolate from Dan. “Thank you and… of course, yes. Consider it forgiven.” He leaned towards Dan to peak inside of the bag. “What the— did you buy every piece of chocolate in the store?”

Dan nodded. “Practically.”

“But mine… it was the only one that got a bow?”

Dan gave Kyle a tiny smile and met his gaze. “Well. Yes.” Suddenly, Kyle felt as if there was an energy skipping back and forth in the space between them. The expression on Dan’s face mirrored the warmth that was spreading throughout Kyle’s chest. Kyle couldn’t look away from him—Dan’s eyes were so soft they were practically pools of blue.

A peal of laughter broke the air and Kyle was instantly reminded that they were in a room full of people. Dan glanced over his shoulder at the others and then sheepishly back at Kyle. “Right. So the rest of the chocolate is for the nursing staff.”

“Wait. I thought you were against bribery. You just said…”

“Ah. I said that _you_ didn’t need to use it. Me, on the other hand, I need all the help I can get. Excuse me for just a second.” 

Kyle watched as Dan went to the middle of the room and dumped the thirty or so full sized chocolate bars across the top of the table. Every eye in the break room turned in his direction. “These, these are for you lot. For a job well done.” Even from far away, Kyle could see that Dan was blushing. “So. Um… thank you.” 

Dan stood awkwardly for a moment before he suddenly made a quick exit. The nurses looked at each other in confusion before one called out, “Kyle! Was this your idea?”

Kyle shook his head. “No. These are all from him.” As he turned back to his locker, he could hear voices excitedly discussing the candy. Kyle carefully removed the bow from his and stuck it against the inside wall of his locker for safekeeping. And even though it was 7 o’clock in the morning, he opened his chocolate, took a bite, and grinned as he chewed.

Dan liked him. For loads of reasons. 

It was going to be a great day.


	4. the weight of living

Kyle was pretty certain that there was no better smell than that of a coffee shop. 

He stood patiently in the queue of the Starbucks that was just around the block from the hospital. He was surrounded by people who, like him, wore scrubs and were in pursuit of the caffeine that would propel them through this ungodly early hour. What genius had the idea to begin hospital shifts at 7 am? What sadistic person had settled on that?

When it was finally his turn, Kyle placed his order with the equally sleepy looking barista who stood behind the register. A vanilla latte for him and Dan’s old-man-drink-of-choice: the darkest, stoutest pour of coffee on the menu.

The barista was too busy to look at him, Sharpie and paper cup in her hand as she asked, “What’s the name on the vanilla latte?”

“Kyle.” He watched as she scribbled it across the cup and noticed her name tag read “Amy.”

“And the name for the dark roast?”

Kyle hesitated and grinned. “Can I make a request on how you spell that one?”

She shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“So the name is Dan—“

She met his eyes for the first the time of their entire exchange and seemed skeptical. “How many ways are there to spell Dan?”

“Well, just the one, but if you could find a way to draw a heart in there somehow, I would be your biggest fan.” 

For a moment, Kyle wasn’t sure how the conversation was going to go. He could see that she was busy and he knew he was being ridiculous, but Kyle had always been a big believer in shooting every shot that came his way. It was entirely possible that Amy-the-barista was a potential new friend. What was the worst that could happen? 

Amy paused and blinked at him through her round, oversized glasses. The two of them stood stock still as the rest of the coffee shop bustled around them. 

Suddenly, she smiled. 

“I’ve got it.” 

She placed the marker to the cup and her brow wrinkled in concentration. Once she finished drawing, she turned the cup to face Kyle so he could admire her work.

The “a” in Dan’s name had been replaced with a delicately drawn heart.

It was bloody brilliant.

Kyle laughed. “Perfect.”

Her smile spread across her face. “You’re welcome, Kyle. I’m assuming that you’re Kyle, right?”

“I am. It’s good to meet you. Thanks for going along with my nonsense.” As he spoke, he moved to the side to allow the person behind him to step to the register. 

She nodded. “Any time.”

Kyle was still grinning as he left the coffee shop. While it was still bloody early, he had to admit it was supremely nice to see the sunrise each morning. He glanced up and noticed the way the golden rays of the sun bounced off the windows of the buildings near the hospital. He could feel a slight breeze in the air at this hour, one that would be long gone in an hour or two. Kyle had never known a heat like summer in New Orleans. He sipped his coffee and took a moment to appreciate the moment— sunrises and breezes were the best. 

Kyle spotted Laura as he walked to the corner. She stood waiting at the crosswalk. Kyle noticed she was carrying a tray full of coffee cups.

“Hi,” she greeted him. “I must have just missed you at Starbucks. I’m picking up everyone’s orders.”

“Very noble of you,” Kyle noted.

Laura snorted. “That’s a word. Not sure it’s the one I’d use for the current situation.” She glanced down at his hands. “I see you’ve got a couple of drinks yourself. Need the double caffeine hit or…”

He shrugged one shoulder. “Oh no. One is Dan’s.”

They stepped out onto the crosswalk as the light changed. “You know…” Laura began, but stopped.

“What?”

“I, I don’t want to say anything out of place it’s just—“

Genuinely curious, Kyle encouraged her, “Go on. It’s fine.”

“You've basically divided the nursing staff into sections,” she laughed. “I think most of them are in love with you.”

Kyle felt his face grow warm at that. “Oh?” he managed.

“But there are a few who are crushing pretty hard on Dr. Smith.” 

“Well. He is a bit dreamy, isn’t he?” Kyle turned Dan’s cup of coffee in Laura’s direction. She broke into giggles as she read it. 

“Oh lord. You too?”

He laughed. “But hey. Please don’t say anything. We’re not, not-- we’re just mates, you know?”

“Kyle. I won’t say a word. But,” she smirked. “You might have to explain to me what you mean by mates, because you two are the flirtiest mates I’ve ever seen.”

Kyle chose that moment to take a drink of his coffee. As he did, his pager went off. “Oh, will you look at that? I’ve got to go. Shame.” He grinned and started to walk away from her.

She shook her head. “That’s convenient.” 

“Can’t be helped, Laura. Lives to save and whatnot.” He picked up his pace and hurried towards the hospital. 

—

It was just after lunch when he and Dan met Michelle Watson and her husband, Jason. She was a 23-year-old patient in room 2 with a diagnosis listed as “shortness of breath” which Kyle knew could signify any number of things. 

Kyle reached out to shake their hands. “I’m Dr. Simmons, one of the residents on staff. This is my colleague-slash-fellow resident, Dr. Smith.” He noticed that Jason was staring intently at Dan. While Kyle certainly understood _that_ , it was a bit unusual coming from a patient’s spouse. 

“You look familiar,” Jason said to Dan.

Dan gave a friendly grin as he faced Jason. “You as well. Have we—“

“You’ve been to our shop! I remember the accent. I recommended that you read, wait-don’t-tell-me… Palahniuk, right?” 

Dan laughed. “Yeah, _Survivor_. It was deeply messed up. Such a wicked read.” He looked back at Kyle. “He works in a bookshop over on Bellecastle Street.”

“I’ve been working there since high school, it’s where I met Michelle. Her folks own the place,” Jason explained. His gaze fell on his wife who was watching the exchange silently with a small smile on her face. “I’m sorry. I’m talking too much. I’m just anxious and I’m always overly hyped when I meet anyone else who loves books. It’s a dangerous combination.”

Michelle shook her head. “It’s ok, Jason. I’m anxious, too.” She looked at Kyle. “I’m not sure what is going on with me.”

Kyle met her stare. “I hope that we’re able to find some answers for you today. So, your chart states you’ve been having trouble breathing?”

Michelle nodded. “It’s like I can’t take a full breath, like something is sitting on my chest. I, I don’t know if that makes sense.” 

“I have to ask, I’m sorry, but do you smoke?”

“No, never.”

“Are you in pain… does it hurt to breathe?”

“Yes. It’s not a sharp pain though. It just feels heavy,” she answered nervously. 

“How long has it felt this way?” 

“A few weeks. At first, it wasn’t that bad. I made an appointment with my regular doctor but I couldn’t get in to see him for a month. I thought it could wait, but then this morning when I woke up, I couldn’t take a breath. It felt like I was being smothered. It scared us so we thought I should come here, to the ER.” As she spoke, she was taking short breaths and it was obvious that she was still having trouble getting air.

“It’s good that you came in,” Kyle tried to give a reassuring smile while his mind sorted through a list of things that could be causing her symptoms. “Is it alright if I listen to you breathe?” He held up his stethoscope.

“Yes, of course.” Michelle sat up straight. Kyle put the earpieces of the stethoscope in and placed the disc shaped resonator on her chest. 

“Breathe in,” he said gently. He could hear air moving, though it did sound labored. “Breathe out.” Kyle lowered the resonator to listen to a different area of her lungs. “Breathe in.” He watched as she made the same motions, but he was having difficulty hearing anything. He kept his expression neutral and said, “breathe out.” He repeated the procedure multiple times with the same results. In some places, he could hear air moving, but in other places, there seemed to be nothing. 

The list of things that could be the cause of her illness were rapidly narrowing and none of them were good. Kyle felt sick to his stomach as he considered them. Not wanting to scare Michelle until they knew more for certain, he tried to clear his mind and smiled at her. 

“So let’s have some blood work done. We’ll run some lab tests and then we’ll see what that tells us.”

“Then what?” Jason wondered.

“Then an X-ray of Michelle’s lungs, if need be.” Kyle could feel Dan staring at him and he knew that Dan was putting the pieces together. Kyle avoided looking back at him, determined to maintain a calm facade. “A tech will be in shortly to draw your blood and we’ll be back once we’ve got the results. Can I get you anything in the meanwhile?”

“No, thank you,” Michelle replied. 

Kyle moved towards the door, “See you in just a bit.”

—

Kyle knew that he needed to place the orders for Michelle’s lab work, but he also knew that he had to get away from her room. He didn’t want to have any sort of reaction anywhere near where she was. This wasn’t about him. He could process what he was feeling later. 

He noticed an unoccupied computer at the back of the nurses’s station that faced away from everyone. Perfect. He moved towards it and passed Laura along the way. “If the lab calls about the results on Michelle Watson, can you please give me the phone?” he asked her.

“Of course. I’ll page you, if you aren’t close by,” she answered.

“Thanks.” He hurried to claim the computer. As Kyle sat down and rapidly typed in his user information and password, he could sense that Dan was staring at him again. Kyle was sure that he heard Dan’s silent questions as he stood by Kyle’s side. Kyle felt his eyes grow damp and focused his attention on placing the correct orders for Michelle. 

It wasn’t until Kyle clicked the little box on the screen that said submit, that Dan finally spoke. “Kyle.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

He couldn’t bring himself to voice it. Not yet. It was too awful. 

Kyle’s eyes were threatening to flood. He closed them, took a quiet breath and then opened them to find Dan waiting. 

Dan’s voice was low when he tried again. “Kyle. What did you hear when you listened to her lungs?”

“You know what I heard. I know you do.” Kyle was about to begin pleading— with Dan, with a God he didn’t even pray to, with anyone who could make this diagnosis be anything other than what he feared it to be. He felt Dan’s hand on his arm. 

“Kyle, please.”

Kyle found that he couldn’t look at Dan’s face. Instead, he fixed his sight on Dan’s hand and how it was lightly holding his forearm. “There was forced air in some places…”

He heard Dan exhale softly. “And in the other places?”

Kyle shook his head. “I, I didn’t hear _anything_.” 

Dan jerked his hand up and covered his mouth. It muffled his reaction, but Kyle could still hear it. “Fuck. Just fuck it all.” 

“There’s a chance that— maybe, I was wrong?” Kyle felt desperate, like he was grasping at straws. He needed to be wrong. To be right, to be correct in this diagnosis would be devastating. “Let’s just not call it anything out loud until we hear from the lab. Then, if we need to, we’ll get Dr. Farquarson.”

“Kyle…”

“Don’t. Say. It...please.” Kyle looked up and all but begged Dan, as if Dan had some kind of control of the situation. It was madness, but it was all he had. 

Kyle watched Dan’s eyes move as he studied Kyle’s face. “Alright. Ok.” 

—

Even in the emergency room, it took time to collect and process lab work, but when Kyle wasn’t called to the phone, he felt a small flicker of hope. No news could be good news. The lab only phoned when the results were critical, so maybe… maybe there was just something wrong with his stethoscope. Maybe he just missed it, maybe, maybe, maybe there wasn’t a mass in Michelle’s lung after all.

He followed Dan into another patient room and listened hollowly as Dan treated someone for something that sounded like a cold. He watched as Dan checked the lymph nodes under the patient’s chin and then narrowly escaped being covered in a giant sneeze. 

Kyle heard a gentle rap on the door and opened it to find Laura on the other side. “Lab is on the phone for you,” she said softly.

He excused himself and stepped out to take the call. Kyle felt as if he were watching the entire thing unfold from outside of his body. He listened as the lab tech gave him the values. Per protocol, he read the numbers back for verification. Fuck. How were the numbers that high? How could that be right? He heard the tech give the percentages of the cells from the slide made from a drop of Michelle’s blood, a glass slide studied under a microscope that was covered in early cells, in blasts, all signs of cancer. Dully, dutifully, he read the results back. 

When he hung up the phone, he saw that Dan was at his side. “Did, did you hear me read it back?” Kyle asked numbly.

Dan’s jaw clenched as he nodded his head. “It’s time we got Dr. Farquarson.”

—

At home, hours later, Kyle laid on his side on his sofa. The television was on and while he was facing it and seeing images flicker across the screen, he wouldn’t say that he was actually watching it. His head was a mess and Kyle couldn’t focus on anything. He was struggling to make sense of his day. He was always able to see the bright side, the silver lining to everything, but this, this he was having trouble with. It was impossible to make cancer be anything other than cancer. He couldn’t spin that into anything else. There was nothing that made that better.

Kyle stared at the television, but still continued to see Michelle’s and Jason’s faces as they tried to comprehend the results of the lab work and x-ray. It kept playing on an endless loop in Kyle’s head. 

It was a relief to hear a knock on his door, if only to have the interruption. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He assumed it was a neighbor bringing over some of his mail that was often delivered to their box by mistake. 

Instead, what he found was Dan.

Dan who had a pizza box, a brown bag that looked to contain some sort of liquor and his backpack. 

Kyle had never seen anything he liked better. 

He moved aside to let Dan in and asked, “What’s all this?”

Dan walked to Kyle’s table and set the pizza box down. “Dinner.” He pulled a bottle out of the paper bag and confirmed Kyle’s guess. “Whiskey. It’s Friday night, so we have no reason not to drink it all, really.” 

“And the backpack?”

Dan took it off of his shoulders and placed it in one of the chairs circling the table. “A change of clothes, toothbrush, that sort of thing. Figured neither one of us needed to be alone after the day we had.” His eyes found Kyle’s. “S’ok if I stay over?”

Kyle was so damn relieved, he felt like crying again. “Of course. I can take the sofa, or you can, whichever.”

Dan studied him for a second and then crossed the room to pull Kyle into a hug. Kyle waited for him to move away after the initial contact, but Dan stayed and held him close. Kyle buried his nose in the space where Dan’s neck met his shoulder. “Hey, it’s alright,” Dan murmured. 

“No. It really isn’t.” He felt Dan lean his cheek against the side of Kyle’s head in response. 

“I suppose not. No,” Dan said softly. “Do you want to talk it over?”

“Not yet.” Kyle lightly hugged Dan before stepping back from him. “I will. But I just need to process it.”

“Alright.”

“And maybe drink all of your whiskey.”

The corners of Dan’s mouth twitched up. “Only if you help me eat all of my pizza, too.”

Kyle nodded and moved towards the kitchen to retrieve some plates and glasses. “You didn’t put any ridiculous toppings on it, did you?”

“Such as?” Dan called out.

“I dunno. Pineapples or some nonsense.”

“Pineapples! What sort of barbarian do you take me for? Jesus, Kyle.”

Kyle found himself laughing for the first time since earlier that morning when he was walking with Laura. He smiled a little, remembering their conversation though it seemed that it happened a lifetime ago. 

“Hey, Dan?”

“Hey, Kyle,” Dan echoed from the next room.

“I’m glad you’re here.” Kyle leaned against the counter and hoped it was the right thing to say. 

Dan’s reply drifted in through the wall, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” There was a pause and then he added, “Now come the fuck on before I start drinking straight from the bottle.”

And Kyle laughed for the second time that night. 

—

The next morning, the two were at a local farmer’s market that was within walking distance of Kyle’s place. He was waiting in line to pick up coffee while Dan waited in another line for their breakfasts. 

Kyle didn’t feel great. Michelle was still on his mind and he had put a lot of thought into her case and his role in it. He had mixed feelings about being the one to discover her illness. On one hand, there was a sadness that he suspected would swallow him whole if he looked directly at it for very long. On the other, there was a hopefulness: that maybe they had discovered it in time, that maybe it was still early enough for her to beat it, that maybe he had some small part of helping her on her journey. 

Kyle picked up the two drinks and went to join Dan. Dan reached out to take the cup of coffee from Kyle and as he did, their eyes met. Kyle made a quick study of Dan. He looked so tired, so defeated from the previous day. There were shadows underneath his eyes and his mouth was drawn down into a dark expression. 

Dan attempted to rearrange his features when he noticed Kyle was staring at him. He smiled weakly after taking a small sip from his drink. “Thanks for this. Coffee on back to back days— you’re spoiling me.”

Kyle shrugged, “You’re welcome. Plain black coffee is so cheap it’s practically free. They almost give the stuff away.” He bumped his elbow against Dan’s side. “Besides you look as if you need it. Did you get any sleep last night?”

“Some…but not much,” Dan admitted.

“You should’ve let me take the sofa. I’m used to it. I accidentally end up sleeping on it all the time.”

Dan shook his head. “No. It— it wasn’t the sofa. I just couldn’t shut my brain off.”

“I couldn’t stop thinking about her either.” 

Dan looked around before he swore, “It’s just not fucking fair, is it? Why her?”

Kyle sighed. “I know. I _know_. None of it is fair when you really think about it. For any of the patients that we see. No one deserves to be sick. But… I don’t know. I wish we could, but none of us get to live forever, do we?”

“Fuck. That’s bleak.” Dan took another drink of his coffee as if he needed it to fuel his next thought. “So what’s the point in all of this? Are we setting ourselves up for constant failure as doctors? We won’t be able to save everyone.”

Kyle moved closer to Dan as they walked. “But we can save some of them—“

“In the end though, we can’t. As you just said, no one lives forever.” Dan looked exhausted, as if the weight of the world was settled directly on his shoulders. Kyle touched the inside of his arm to get his attention and nodded at a patch of grass that would get them out of the crowd of people. 

Once they were a little removed, Kyle said, “I can only speak for myself, you know? But I see it like--well. Look around right now, Dan. What do you see?”

“A farmer’s market.”

Kyle nodded. “Right. But what else? Really look.”

Dan scanned the crowd. “I see three people having what looks to be a very detailed conversation about bread. I see a small dog on a leash trying to eat everything on the ground…”

Kyle glanced around briefly. “Do you see the kid with the chocolate icing all over his face from that doughnut? That guy is living his best life.”

Dan laughed a little. “Yeah. He is.”

“And that couple over there. Don’t look directly, be cool, but I think they might have just fallen in love, like, last night. They’re giddy.”

“Oh wow, yeah. He just kissed the side of her head.”

“So yeah. I’m sure everyone here has some private sadness going in their world, but right now they’re happy. Happy to be with each other. Happy to have doughnuts.. Happy to be little dogs. Happy to have these moments. It sounds ridiculous to say out loud, but what we do… it helps keep them in this world a little while longer. So they can have moments like this. Nothing huge. Just this.” As he finished speaking, Kyle felt nervous about having said so much and he hoped that Dan understood what he meant. 

Dan was silent and seemed to be considering Kyle’s words. He glanced down at his coffee cup and smiled. He held the cup up for Kyle to see, “I see that the ‘a’ in my name has been replaced with a heart again.”

Kyle pretended to be shocked. “What? Again? What is it with you and the baristas of this city?” 

“Come on, let’s go look at the bread those people were having such a deep conversation over.”

As they walked back into the groups of people, Kyle felt Dan reach for his hand. Kyle willed his feet to keep moving as Dan slid their palms against one another and then laced their fingers together. 

Dan kept his voice down as he said, “I liked what you said… especially the bit about having moments.” He hesitated for a second. “Is it weird if I say that I--I think we’re having one of those moments right now?”

“This is definitely a moment,” Kyle agreed softly.

Kyle lightly squeezed Dan’s hand and was content to follow Dan’s lead both through the crowd and for anything else that came after.


	5. spheniscus demersus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [willIever](https://archiveofourown.org/users/willIever/pseuds/willIever) suggested a chapter where these two had a day off. So here we are.

Kyle loved everything about penguins.

They were flippin adorable, and they were always dressed for fancy cocktails. Plus, they were fantastic swimmers _and_ had a cute waddle? What was not to love? 

So when he discovered that the aquarium did a talk completely devoted to their penguins, not only did he immediately purchase tickets, he had insisted that he and Dan arrive early to ensure front row seats. As the empty spaces around them began to fill with people, Kyle was practically humming with joy. He turned towards Dan, ready to share some of his favorite penguin facts when he heard a tiny but angry voice pipe up from behind them:

“Mom! Why is that man’s hair so tall?!? I can’t see!”

Kyle attempted to smother his grin as the mother tried to silence the child. He snuck a glance at Dan who had gone rigid. Not wanting to risk being overheard and further escalate things, Kyle pulled his phone out and texted Dan:

**personally, I prefer lads with tall hair. the taller, the better, I say**

He waited for Dan to receive the text and listened silently as the kid behind Dan swapped seats with their father. Dan’s mobile buzzed; he glanced down to scan the text and then back up at Kyle. Dan slowly shook his head from side to side. 

Kyle stared at his phone long enough to send an appropriate number of penguin emojis (5) and then met Dan’s eyes as he sent them. 

The tiniest of smiles escaped from Dan as his screen lit up with Kyle’s messages. 

“Yeah?” Kyle questioned. “Cause I’ve got loads of penguin gifs, too.”

Dan snorted. “I don’t doubt it.”

Kyle looked just past him, craning his neck to see if anyone was coming out to start the presentation. Dan leaned towards Kyle and kept his voice down. “You realize you’re so keyed up, that you’re practically vibrating right now, yeah?”

“This is going to be the best thing ever.” He pointed at the stage that was just in front of them. “Penguins are gonna be right there… practically at our fingertips. My reaction is completely valid.”

Dan’s gaze pointedly drifted to Kyle’s foot which was rapidly tapping up and down against the floor. 

“Can’t help that, nervous habit,” Kyle offered. 

“So I’ve noticed.”

Dan casually dropped his hand on the top of Kyle’s knee to steady it. While it caused Kyle to still his motions, it did absolutely nothing to stem his energy. If anything, he was even more amped up than before. 

Did he love Dan even more than he loved penguins? 

It was entirely possible. 

Not that Kyle could say any of that aloud. They were just mates, just partners in a residency that had years yet to go. Kyle knew better than to make any sort of public declaration about his feelings for Dan. Still. It was hardly fair to expect him to remain silent when Dan had his hand on his flippin knee. 

Kyle tried desperately not to look down at Dan’s hand, at how his long fingers draped over the inside of Kyle’s knee as they rested, at how ridiculously nice it felt.

“You alright?” Dan wondered.

“Yeah. Great. Never better. Wooo.” 

Dan raised an eyebrow. “It’s just—I can practically see the wheels spinning in your head. What are you thinking about?”

“How much I love…. penguins.” Kyle forced a laugh that sounded borderline unhinged even to his own ears.

Kyle was simultaneously saved and cursed by the arrival of the penguin’s caretakers. It distracted Dan from psychoanalyzing him, but it also caused the removal of Dan’s hand as he needed it to join the crowd in applauding the beginning of the program. 

Over the next twenty minutes, Kyle wholeheartedly listened as the caretakers spoke of the African penguins that lived in the aquarium. A lot of the information was not new to Kyle, but he felt like it was a solid foundation for the other members of the audience. He scooted forward, literally sitting on the edge of his seat as two African penguins waddled out. 

They were magnificent. 

So bloody brilliant— he wanted one. If they could handle the climate of coastal South Africa, surely they could come stay in his home. Suddenly, Kyle had the mental image of a penguin waddling around his kitchen each morning as Kyle sipped his morning coffee. 

He felt Dan lean against him and heard Dan’s voice in his ear, “You’ve gone and frozen up. Are you even breathing right now?”

Without taking his eyes away from the creatures in front of him, Kyle replied softly, “Can I have one? My lease says I’m allowed one small pet.”

Dan chuckled, actually _chuckled_ against Kyle’s ear and he felt goosebumps break out along the tops of his arms. Damn it. This wasn’t fair. How was he to stand a chance against Dan and penguins at the same time? No mortal could build that resistance. He pictured the penguin in his kitchen again, only this time Kyle wasn’t drinking his coffee alone: now Dan was there, mug in hand, a navy blue plaid bathrobe wrapped over his pajamas. 

Shit. 

Kyle was in over his head.

—

At the end of the program, there was trivia of sorts. The penguin’s keeper would toss out a question and then at random approach a member of the audience to provide an answer. Thus far, Kyle noticed that they had mostly focused on the children, which, ok, made some sense, but come on. They didn’t know the answers to even the easiest questions! Kyle was born for this moment. He had prepared his entire life for it. 

“How long can the African penguin hold its breath?”

Kyle’s hand shot up in the air, and he was sure he had caught the keeper’s attention. She walked his direction with a grin on her face, stopped in front of him, but then inexplicably held her microphone out to Dan. 

Kyle knew straight away that Dan didn’t have the foggiest idea what the answer was just based on the smile he was using. All Kyle could do was watch in silence along with everyone else (penguins and humans alike) as Dan leaned towards the microphone and said “Ohhh, good question.” 

Dan’s eyes darted towards Kyle, silently pleading for the answer. As discreetly as he could, Kyle held up two fingers. Dan looked back at the keeper and answered with zero confidence. “Two… minutes?”

“That’s exactly right! You really know your penguins!!” The caretaker was beaming at Dan as if he had just discovered the Theory of Relativity or the like. “Sir, what’s your name?”

“Dan.”

“Come on, everyone, that definitely deserves a round of applause. Hardly anyone gets that question right. Great job, Dan!!!”

The crowd put their hands together and half-heartedly clapped for Dan. 

A small outraged voice spoke again from behind them, “He cheated! The big haired man cheated!!” The child’s mother tried to quiet him and managed to silence him with a threat of something that sounded like no-ice-cream.

Kyle struggled not to laugh. “Really glad we did this today.” When Dan huffed in response, Kyle placed his hand on Dan’s knee, patted it twice with a “There, there.” He let his hand linger because, well, two could play at this game, couldn’t they? 

Dan looked pleased and his eyes flitted from his knee to Kyle’s face, his cheeks a shade pinker than they normally were. “I’m glad, too.” 

—

Kyle was surrounded by fish and it was sort of freaking him out. 

Up to this point, he had been walking along, minding his own business, looking at fish through squares of glass, as was only natural. He turned a corner and nearly collided into Dan when he saw what lay ahead—a pathway surrounded in glass from the ceiling to the floor, an aquarium on all sides. Kyle peered around Dan for confirmation, and, yes, that was most definitely a shark swimming along his merry way in search of his next victim.

Dan’s eyes lit up. “Wicked!” 

He took a few steps forward but stopped when he realized Kyle had stayed put. Dan raised his eyebrows in question, and the best Kyle could manage was “what if the glass shatters and the shark…”

Dan had walked back to Kyle and put an arm around his shoulder. Dan led him forward with a gentle “Kyyyylllee,” and what else could Kyle do but whatever Dan wanted? 

Now he stood, practically underwater, desperately trying not to make eye contact with the aforementioned shark. No need to give that guy any ideas. Kyle focused on Dan instead. Dan was bouncing around like a child, fascinated by everything that swam past him. Kyle pulled his phone from his pocket and took a couple of pictures before Dan realized what he was doing. “Take one with me,” Dan requested. 

Kyle stood close to Dan and he stretched his arm out to take the photo. As he did, he felt Dan’s hand on his back and Dan’s hair against his face as Dan leaned closer. Kyle’s smile was completely genuine and he snapped a few photos for good measure. 

“You’ll send them to me?” Dan asked. 

“Of course.” 

Dan’s grin that began when he looked at Kyle started to stretch across his face as he moved his gaze up over Kyle’s head. “Oh wow. Look at that. Do you know what sort of stingray that is? He looks as if he’s smiling.”

Kyle followed Dan’s pointed finger and watched the stingray glide its way through the water. It seemed as if the thing were boneless and that just seemed wrong on so many many levels. He frowned, “Dan. I’m not a fishologist. I have no idea—“

“What—this from the bloke who insisted we get to the aquarium today an entire hour before it opened?”

“That was for penguins,” Kyle said primly. “Totally different. They aren’t fish. They are flightless—“

“Birds. Yes, I know,” Dan smirked. “So you love aquariums so long as they have penguins, but have no interest in actual fish?”

Kyle considered Dan’s words. “That is correct. I don’t understand fish at all.” 

Dan blinked in response. “I don’t, I don’t even know where to begin…” As Dan spoke, Kyle watched the shark circle around as he returned to the area just to the left of where they stood. He knew it wasn’t logical, but it was a _shark_ and it was only a pane of glass away. 

“Can we please just not stand here inside of the bowl of shark-infested waters?” 

“You go on to the next exhibit. I’ll catch up in a minute, I’d like to take a few more pictures.”

—

Kyle lost track of time. He only knew that once he laid eyes on the giant crab from across the room, his feet shuffled over to it immediately. It looked like something out of one of those old B reel horror films— _The Attack of the Crab Monster!!_ or some other equally absurd title. The creature was enormous, the size of an office chair, and as it floated in the water it stared at Kyle as if Kyle were the one on exhibition. Strangely, while the shark’s glare had made him nervous, this guy’s gaze wasn’t bothering him. He glanced down at the plaque that listed the crab’s species and information.

“Ah, so you’re a Japanese spider crab, are you? You’re even further from home than I am.” 

Kyle was probably imagining things, but he could have sworn it waved a claw at him in response. This one, he was alright. Kyle mentally added ‘Japanese spider crabs’ to the short list of aquarium animals that he was cool with. His thoughts were interrupted when he felt an arm lightly brush against his own. He glanced over to find Dan at his side and saw that Dan was openly gaping at the crab.

“He’s sizing me up as if he wants to eat me,” Dan noted somewhat uneasily.

Kyle raised an eyebrow slowly, “Welll—”

Dan nudged his elbow into Kyle’s ribs to cut him off. “Please don’t make a remark about me being delicious. I beg you.”

Kyle raised both of his hands up and held them palms facing out. “Whoa, hey now. I wasn’t—“

“Oh. Right then. I mean. Obviously I’m not. I just…“

Kyle leaned over and spoke near Dan’s ear so as to not be overheard. “I was merely going to comment on you being a snack, is all.” He was pleased to see Dan’s ear darkened as it turned red. 

“Kyle. You can’t just—“

“Oh, hey, there’s a gift shop over there, how about that?” Kyle interrupted gleefully. “Let’s have a look then, shall we?” He strode into the brightly lit shop, scanning the shelves for anything that might serve as keepsake for this spectacular Saturday. Dan was the first to commit to an aisle and walked purposefully to the back of the store. Kyle followed and grinned when he realized where Dan was heading: directly to the toy section. 

Dan came to a halt in front of the stuffed animals, gazed past the sharks and otters, and seemed to focus on the penguins. Well, the man did have taste, Kyle would certainly grant him that. 

“Which one?” Dan asked. 

Puzzled, Kyle turned to face him. “Depends on your price range, I suppose. It might be cheaper to buy an actual penguin than to buy one of these.”

Dan shrugged and repeated, “Which one?”

Kyle began to study the plush animals, wondering if he and Dan were on equal salaries from the hospital. Maybe Dan had money saved for stuffed-animal-emergencies, he _was_ pretty resourceful. Still, that was oddly specific. 

Kyle’s sights finally settled on one perfectly ridiculous penguin. It was roughly the same size as the penguins that they had seen earlier, but the toy was much, much fluffier. He picked it up and gave it an experimental hug, just to check its softness. Yes. It was perfect. He handed the toy to Dan. “Which one of your nephews is it for?”

“Neither. It’s yours.”

Kyle was pretty sure Dan’s eyes were as soft as that stuffed animal had been in his arms, and Kyle didn’t know what to do with all of the things that made him feel in his chest. Before he could say or do anything, Dan had turned and started walking to the till. 

Kyle watched him go and was fairly certain that his ears were as red as Dan’s had been earlier.

—

A short while later, Dan waited as Kyle finished chatting with the Uber driver that had dropped them off at the brewery. Kyle laughed and bid her farewell, balancing the soft toy penguin on his hip as he closed the car’s door. 

“You don’t mind bringing a stuffed animal into a brewery?” Dan wondered.

Kyle’s eyes widened, “Daniel-I-dunno-your-middle-name-Smith, I love this penguin. And I love beer. So this only makes sense, really.”

“Campbell. Is, um, my middle name.” Kyle nodded once thoughtfully in reply as he tried the full name out in his mind. Dan rushed on, “It’s a bit boring, isn’t it? My name. I suppose it suits—“

“Now stop that. You are many things. But most assuredly, you are not boring.” Dan seemed as if he wanted to argue the point but didn’t. He grabbed the door and held it open for Kyle to pass through first into the brewery. They saw that Steve was working and managed to find two empty stools at the end of the bar. 

As they settled into their seats, Kyle glanced at the menu. He quickly read it to make sure that his drink of choice was on tap and then noticed a large, gaudy trophy on display that wasn’t normally there. Kyle balanced the soft toy on his left thigh and grinned as Steve walked over to them.

As always, Steve was a blank slate as he greeted them. “Did y’all finally adopt a child?” He nodded at the penguin. 

“Sort of,” Kyle grinned. 

“We went to the aquarium today. Kyle is a bit of a penguin aficionado,” Dan explained.

Steve nodded. “Well, who doesn’t love a flightless bird that can hold its breath for two minutes at a time?”

Kyle and Dan reacted simultaneously, with opposite levels of enthusiasm:

“EXACTLY!!!!”

“Why does _everyone_ know how long they can hold their breath…”

Steve ignored them both and moved right along to business, “So what are you drinking tonight? Are we doing the usuals or has becoming parents made you rethink your beverage options?”

“The usual, please,” Kyle confirmed.

“Likewise,” Dan spoke. 

As Steve went about pouring their drinks, Dan took notice of the new hardware behind the counter. “Steve, what’s with the trophy?”

“Oh, this ole trashy lookin’ thing?” Steve drawled. “Every year we do a karaoke contest— it’s songs from the ‘80s this time. Winner gets free beer for a month and a trophy. The trophy gets a little worse every year. Contest is next Friday.”

“I don’t think it’s a rubbish trophy,” Dan remarked. He reached forward to take his drink from Steve.

“Free beer for a month?” Kyle wondered. “I could definitely make good use of that.”

“Heaven help this place if either of you can sing,” Steve said. “As much as you’re here, giving one of y’all free drinks for that long could shut the place down.”

“You’re safe from me,” Kyle promised and sipped the foam off his beer. “I can sing a little, but I seriously doubt I’d win any competitions.” He frowned in confusion as he heard Dan break into laughter. “What?”

“You. Drinking that beer so delicately with a penguin in your lap,” Dan shook his head in amusement. 

“It is quite the vision,” Steve said dryly. “Does the penguin have a name?”

“Does he have a name? What sort of—yes, Steve, of course he has a name.” Kyle brought his glass to his mouth and took his time to drink. When he set the beer down, he grinned widely. “He’s called Soup.”

Dan looked at Kyle suspiciously with a _surely-not_ expression on his face. 

“Soup?” Steve repeated.

“Yes. He’s named after Dan. His middle name—“

“—is Soup?” Steve wondered. “No disrespect, but is that a British thing or…”

Kyle happily drank his beer and left it to Dan to explain. Dan sighed and ran both of his hands down his face. “My name isn’t Daniel bloody Soup Smith—”

“I should certainly hope not,” Kyle interrupted.

“Gross,” Steve added flatly. 

Dan took a moment to close his eyes and then took a couple swallows of his beer before he spoke again. 

“My middle name is Campbell.”

“Well, that makes more sense,” Steve nodded. “Soup is the perfect name for your penguin-child. Now if y’all will excuse me, I do need to tend to other people in this brewery.”

“We won’t hold it against you, mate.” Kyle lifted his drink in a mock toast to Steve as the bartender moved away. Kyle shifted so both he and Soup were facing Dan. “Cheers?” he offered hopefully, “To an excellent use of a day off?”

Dan glanced sideways and seemed to smile despite himself. He lifted his glass and tapped it lightly against Kyle’s. “Cheers to that. And cheers to our penguin-child.”

Once again, Kyle pictured imaginary-Dan in his navy blue plaid bathrobe with a penguin waddling about their kitchen and laughed. 

“Yes,” he agreed. “Cheers to Soup.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [penguin](https://written-you-down-247.tumblr.com/post/631733552621486080)
> 
> big thanks to [heartbreakordeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartbreakordeath/pseuds/heartbreakordeath) for the beta.


	6. magnification

Kyle wouldn’t call Dr. Farquarson evil, exactly. 

Evil was a very strong word best left for Beelzebub, serial killers and people who hated cats. 

But there was no getting around it. On this particular Friday morning, Dr. Farquarson was on the warpath. Kyle was doing his absolute best to stay out of his sight. It was proving to be somewhat difficult as they were currently meeting in a small group for morning rounds. Or at least, they would be— once Dr. Farquarson finished arguing with whatever unfortunate soul was on the other side of his phone call.

Kyle glanced over at Dan, who stood nearby. Dan was trying to discreetly—but frantically—finish his cup of coffee before the meeting started. “Are you actually chugging black coffee right now?” 

Before Dan could reply, Dr. Barnes spoke up. “Normally I’d advise against drinking coffee like you’re taking shots of tequila, but given Dr. Farquarson’s stance on beverages during rounds—” He stopped and smirked at Dan’s cup. 

Kyle winced as Dr. Barnes took in the elaborate heart that Amy-the-barista had carefully drawn in place of the “A” in Dan’s name. She took the doodles quite seriously and no two were ever alike. A while back, she had shown Kyle the set of markers she had bought specifically for the task:

_”I hope that Dan likes pink,” she smiled, showing him a pack of twenty markers that ranged from shades of bubblegum to neon._

_Kyle beamed back. “He **adores** pink.” _

And Dan had adored the pink, or at least, up till now. Dan always inspected his cups of coffee carefully and grinned at whatever Amy had drawn up that day. Dan was careful to keep his hand wrapped around the heart-shaped doodle while they were around other people. It was only in his haste to consume his drink as rapidly as possible that he had left the heart in plain sight. Dan turned the cup to face away from Dr. Barnes, but it was too late.

“That’s an interesting way to spell Dan,” Dr. Barnes observed.

Kyle watched as Dan struggled to come up with a response before he finally settled on “Erm…”

“Someone must have quite the crush on you, Dr. Smith, to go to that level of creativity. I think I counted three different shades of pink.”

Dan turned a succession of colors that Amy would have declared to be “ballet-slipper,” “pastel” and “flamingo.” He looked as if he were about to repeat his previous statement which left Kyle no choice. He had to jump into the conversation. “The barista seems to fancy him, yes.” Kyle sent a silent apology to Amy for throwing her under the bus and vowed to bring a generous tip and a new pack of markers next time he saw her. 

Dan glanced wordlessly at Kyle and then abruptly moved to drop his drink in the nearest trash.

“Dr. Smith, I do hope that I’m not interrupting your breakfast with morning rounds.” Dr. Farquarson spoke evenly, and he seemed to slide into the group out of nowhere. He didn’t wait for Dan to answer and began to rattle off the specifics of multiple patients all at once. He fired his questions in Dan’s direction over and over again.

Kyle watched as Dan seemed to straighten, to somehow grow taller even, in response. Kyle tried not to gape as Dan answered every single one of the questions correctly. How did he have all the answers? How was he not intimidated? How was Dan not openly weeping? 

When the rounds finally drew to an end, Kyle had escaped relatively unscathed. Dr. Farq-you had only lobbed one question his way about potassium levels and Kyle had crushed it, thank-you-very-much. Dan had survived, but only just—rather than appeasing Dr. Farq-off, Dan’s correct answers only seemed to annoy him further. So Kyle couldn’t claim to be surprised when they were both assigned to the patient in room five. 

“A woman in GI distress, with uncontrolled vomiting... Dr. Smith, why don’t you take a crack at that case? I’m sure Dr. Simmons would be more than happy to assist you.” Dr. Farquarson smiled gently as he strolled by, on his way to wherever he dwelled after morning rounds. 

After spending a few minutes with the patient, Kyle really did feel bad for her. Her complexion was a cross between grey and green and she was clearly in pain. She answered Dan’s questions while taking slow, deep breaths in effort to keep her nausea at bay. She was so successful at it, that Dan ventured close to her side to examine her stomach. Everything seemed fine until she suddenly threw up all over Dan without warning. 

For a moment, everyone froze. 

The only sound was that of the ancient clock that hung on the wall as it ticked away each passing second and then suddenly everyone reacted at once.

Kyle began flinging open cabinets, in search of towels. Upon finding one, he tossed it in Dan’s direction.

Dan was slow to catch it, but managed to grab it before it hit the ground and fell into the puddle of god-knows-what. He immediately began to clean up as best he could.

“Oh my. I didn’t—I’m so sorry...” The patient was near tears. 

Dan shook his head and he carefully stepped back. He glanced down to inspect the wreckage. “It’s alright. You couldn’t help it.”

“I’ve ruined your clothes. I’m—“

“They’re just scrubs. Please don’t feel badly about it. I have tons more.” 

“But your shoes—“ 

“Are fine, I assure you. Let’s focus on getting you well. Can you tolerate Zofran? Any previous reactions to it?”

“I’ve never had it bef—“ she stopped abruptly and reached for the plastic container that was laid by her side.

Dan waited for the spell to pass before speaking again. “I’ll place an order for Zofran and see if we can have you feeling better soon.” He reached over to the computer and clicked on the corresponding screen to order the medication from the pharmacy. 

Kyle was once more impressed at Dan’s calmness in the face of total destruction. This man could withstand borderline-evil-Farquarson and the contents of this woman’s stomach. Kyle opened the door to leave and then waited for Dan. 

Kyle waved at Leigh, who was working at the nurses station, to get her attention. When she looked up, he asked “Can you please call housekeeping for me? There’s a bit of a mess.”

As soon as Dan stepped into the hallway, every eye seemed to settle on him and his ruined scrubs. Before anyone could say anything, Dan turned and hurried towards the break room and their lockers. 

Kyle walked quickly to keep up. “Do you have a change of scrubs?” he wondered.

“No. But I need to get away from everyone’s stares.”

“I have a clean set of scrubs in my locker. You can just take them out yourself, if you want. I don’t have to be there, I could just give you the combination to the lock.“

Dan turned to look at Kyle as he continued to move. “I didn’t mean you. I meant... the others. Come with me.” A small smile tugged the corners of Dan’s mouth. “How is it that you have extra scrubs?”

“I suspected something like this might happen… just assumed it would happen to me is all.”

—

In the relative privacy provided by the rows of lockers, Dan pulled his scrub top up over his head. He stood next to Kyle in a well-washed t-shirt. The shirt was untucked and Kyle wondered how it was possible that Dan still looked so good to him. It was just a t-shirt, just scrub bottoms— identical to what Kyle currently wore, but it sent his brain spiraling into different directions. 

Dan tossed his scrub top into a plastic bag he pulled from his locker. He glanced down at his legs. “I think maybe these are alright? The top got the worst of it.” He looked closer to inspect the damage and frowned in disgust. “Never mind that. I’ll need your whole set.”

“It’s fine,” Kyle assured him. “Just return them whenever.” He grabbed his scrubs from the top of his locker and handed them to Dan. “It’s not as if I’m going anywhere.” 

Dan stared at Kyle for a long moment. “You told Dr. Barnes that your barista friend fancies me… that was why my coffee cups always have hearts on them. I… I’ve not met her so I don’t—“

“Oh. No, she doesn’t. I just thought that was the easiest way out of that conversation. She isn’t the one who—“ Kyle suddenly felt warm. He was certain that he was flushing from his neck all the way up to the top of his head. Smooth. Real smooth. “I can stop. If it bothers you.”

Dan blinked. “Stop… what, exactly?”

Kyle looked past Dan’s shoulder, searching for the right thing to say. Damn it. He was always fucking talking. Why was it only now that he was running out of words? “I don’t know. The hearts on the coffee? All of the rest of it?”

“No. Don’t.” Dan’s eyes were emphatic behind the frame of his glasses. “Don’t stop any of it.”

Kyle wished they weren’t standing in a break room. 

He wished they were years out from where they were now. 

He wished… he wished a lot of things. 

“Right then. I won’t.” Kyle smiled and tried desperately to not think of all the things he couldn’t have. Because this—this was something. Maybe one day it could be everything.

“It’s such a shame that I’m still partially covered in sick,” Dan said sadly. “Otherwise, I would hug you right now.”

Kyle laughed. Only Dan could create, destroy and then rebuild a moment in the span of a single minute. “You should go shower and change clothes. We can hug later. We’re still going to the brewery tonight, yeah?”

Dan grinned. “The thought of it is what’s getting me through the day. Yes.”

—

The brewery was packed with bodies claiming every bit of available space that the room had to offer. Kyle couldn’t recall ever seeing it this full. Well. There had been the one night the brewery had offered candy-inspired beer on draft. It was utter madness. It would be a long while before Kyle would forget the taste of the sour-gummy-flavored drink he had that night. Those Americans, they found ways to insert sugar into _everything._

“What on—did I miss something?” Kyle wondered to Dan. 

Dan nodded towards the only vacant spot in the vicinity, an area with a slightly raised platform, a pair of speakers and a microphone in the center. “It’s the karaoke contest. It’s tonight.”

Kyle groaned. “Is it really? Do you want to go someplace else?”

“No!” Dan answered with surprising force. When Kyle raised his eyebrows, Dan shrugged and seemed a bit flustered. “No,” he gentled. “I want to see how it goes.”

“As long as you’re sure.” Kyle looked around at the decorations scattered about the brewery. Everything was covered in neon triangles and circles. There were tacky signs proclaiming things like “AWESOME!” and “I LOVE THE ‘80s!!” Kyle sighed. “Oh God. I forgot. It’s an ‘80s theme.”

Dan’s elbow nudged Kyle in the side. “Right then. Let’s get some drinks.” He lightly pushed Kyle in front of him to make a path through the crowd. Kyle felt Dan close behind him as they moved. Dan’s hand ghosted along the small of Kyle’s back as Dan tried to stay near him despite the people milling all around them. Kyle tried not to read too much into it. Dan was just trying to keep from being separated in the rush; it didn’t mean that he wanted to get married. Probably.

It was some small miracle that when they reached the bar, a couple of blokes gave them their seats. “I fucking hate ‘80s music,” one of the men explained. Grateful for the barstool and small place he could call his own for a bit, Kyle simply returned the guy’s fist bump and didn’t ask any further questions. 

Steve found them immediately. “Welcome to the ‘80s,” he greeted them joylessly. 

“The ‘80s are more crowded than I expected,” Kyle noted.

“It’s an exciting time,” Steve agreed, sounding as if his soul had left his body long ago. “What are y’all having? The usuals or are we getting funky fresh with it?”

Kyle and Dan exchanged glances. 

“What’s with the new vocabulary?” Dan wondered.

“Management is strongly encouraging that we use the correct verbiage for tonight’s festivities. Bruh.” 

Kyle knew better than to laugh at Steve and buried his mirth. “I’ll have my usual and let’s start a tab. If I’m going through the ‘80s, I insist on being properly pissed.”

“Same,” Dan nodded.

When Steve returned with their drinks, he handed them each a pair of cheap sunglasses. “I’m supposed to be selling these, but y’all can have them for free if you can keep from openly mocking all of this.”

“Deal,” Kyle agreed. Once he took an adequate gulp of his beer, he examined his shades. They were black with hot pink temples on either side. The pair in Dan’s hands were black and neon green. He glanced up and found Dan staring at his sunglasses in envy. “What?”

“Yours are nice.”

Kyle snorted in amusement. “Dan. Do you want to trade?”

Dan’s face immediately brightened. “Can we? I mean—only if you want to.”

Silently, Kyle exchanged their sunglasses. So Dan _did_ adore pink. Of course he did. Dan put his shades on and lifted them up to rest on the top of his head. Kyle copied him—he figured he might as well do the thing properly, if he was going to do it. He turned to say as much to Dan when the lights in the brewery dimmed and an honest-to-god disco ball began spinning in circles. Its silvery light cast bright beams throughout the room. 

Dan brought his beer up and all but chugged it as he had with his coffee earlier that day. He leaned toward Kyle and spoke by his ear, “Can you order me another? I’ll be right back.”

Kyle nodded and waved to catch Steve’s attention. Just as he ordered another round, music started playing and a woman began to sing. Kyle winced as she destroyed “Sweet Dreams,” both literally and figuratively. Jesus. He was going to need a lot of beer to get through this. He downed what remained of his first beer and got started on the second. By the time the next person ambled onstage and belted out the lyrics to “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” everything was fine. Life was pleasantly fuzzy around the edges and wonderful. Kyle moved along to the beat and grinned as he spotted Dan making his way through the crowd.

Kyle pointed at Dan and sang as he approached, “Daaaaannn. They just wanna, they just wanna. Girls just wanna have fun.”

Dan laughed and settled next to Kyle. “Changed our minds about the ‘80s, have we?”

Kyle kept bobbing to the song. “Steve’s right. It _is_ an exciting time.” Dan shook his head in amusement and reached for his drink. Kyle noticed that Dan’s face was flushed but figured it was because of the temperature of the room. The crowd was making everything feel too warm. 

Kyle lost track of the songs. He lost track of the beers. He only knew that both kept coming and that he loved everything: Americans, disco balls, the way hot pink sunglasses looked pushed up in the tall mess that was Dan’s hair. If Dr. Farq-you-son suddenly appeared and took to the stage to do a Michael Jackson song, Kyle would love that, too. 

Someone was butchering “Material Girl” and Kyle even loved that. He shook his shoulders, taking care to bump into Dan every third shake or so. Dan didn’t seem to mind. Dan had this weird energy all about him—even after the many, many beers—that Kyle couldn’t quite place. 

The Madonna cover finished up and when they called the name of the next singer, Kyle realized he was well and truly drunk because he could’ve sworn they had said Dan’s name. He turned his attention to Dan and watched him down the rest of the beer before grabbing Kyle’s hand. 

“Come on. I need to be able to see you while I do this.” Dan cut through the crowd, pulling Kyle behind him. 

“Holy fuck, Dan,” Kyle said to the back of Dan’s head. 

Dan didn’t say anything in reply, but Kyle felt him squeeze his hand. In fact, Dan gripped his hand so tightly it was as if he were hanging on for his life. Dan didn’t release his hold until they reached the front of the crowd and he stepped up onto the platform. 

Kyle stood in shock, trying to figure out what alternate universe he had fallen into—the one in which Dan Smith was suddenly a singer. He couldn’t decide if he had drank too many beers or if he needed another. He glanced to his left when he felt the crowd shift around him and saw Steve by his side.

“I’m taking my break now ‘cause this seems like a big moment for y’all. Figured you might need someone to record it for the wedding.” He pulled out the oldest iPhone Kyle had ever seen and held it in Kyle’s direction. “Say hello, Kyle.”

“Hi,” Kyle managed weakly. 

They both turned to face the stage as the music began to play. And oh shit. It was a ballad. No one else had even attempted a slow song. Dan was playing to win. Provided, of course, that he could actually sing. Kyle was more nervous for Dan than he would’ve been for himself had he been the one on the stage. 

Dan brought the microphone to his lips. He wasn’t wearing his glasses that night and it wasn’t often that Kyle had seen him in his contacts. It left every part of Dan’s face exposed as Dan opened his mouth and sang “I can’t fight this feeling any longer…” 

Kyle was sure he had stopped breathing. This was it. He was dead. This was the ghost of Kyle watching Dan sing better than anyone had any right to sing. Dan was wandering around the stage as he sang and by the time he reached the chorus and fucking belted the words, they were all his:

The crowd was his. 

_Steve_ was his.

And Kyle? 

Well, Kyle had always been his. 

Dan stopped and stood in front of Kyle. As Dan made his way once more through the chorus, Kyle raised his arm in time with the song as it swelled to a peak. The cymbals crashed as Kyle pointed to the sky, and the giddy look Dan gave him exactly matched what Kyle was feeling in his chest. 

Dan closed his eyes and was practically on the tip of his toes as he reached for a high note, “I’ve forgotten what I started fighting fo-or…”

When Dan opened his eyes, he began to sing directly to Kyle. The lights from the mirror ball were flashing around him, and Dan’s gaze was so intense that Kyle felt as if he were the lead character from an ‘80s film. It seemed like everything had led them to this over-the-top but ridiculously perfect moment. 

There was a smile spreading across Dan’s face, and the tone of his voice gentled as he neared the end of the song. Dan’s stare was unwavering as he sang to Kyle, “Baby, I can’t fight this feeling anymore.” 

On the off chance that Kyle was still somehow alive, Dan finished him off when Dan drew the song to a close by _crooning_ over it. 

The music seemed to evaporate and the room fell into a hush. For a moment, Kyle thought of the ancient clock ticking slowly in the ER as it kept time. All at once, everyone began to applaud and cheer, Kyle even heard a few extra Southern-sounding-hell-yeahs. Dan stood on the stage and took it all in. He was blushing; he was happy; he was beautiful. Dan waved and gave a small smile of thank you to the crowd and then went to return the microphone. 

Steve turned his archaic phone in Kyle’s direction. Kyle raised his hand and tapped his fingers across his chest, just above where his heart was thumping loudly. “Am I dead?” he wondered. “I feel as if I’m dead.”

Dan was suddenly in front of him looking pleased, nervous and something else Kyle couldn’t quite name. Kyle reached for him and pulled him close. “Call a code blue. You’ve destroyed everyone here. I’m just a ghost now,” Kyle joked as he swayed Dan from side to side. 

If Kyle was being honest (and he tried, he really did, to always be honest), he would’ve told Dan that exactly the opposite was the truth: that feeling Dan wrap his arms around him and genuinely laugh in his ear made Kyle feel more alive than he ever had before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Can't Fight This Feeling](https://youtu.be/5eDwGwLPn7c)


	7. the you

Kyle was floating.

From the moment Dan had taken to the stage to now, Kyle’s feet had not touched the ground. The crowd that had felt so oppressive earlier now welcomed both of them in an embrace. Dan was now something of a celebrity—every person who passed him had a smile, a pat on the back, a high five. 

Kyle had lost count of the number of drinks they had before Dan’s song, but he was certain they had twice that since then. Everyone wanted to buy Dan a beer. The night was endless and it was glorious. 

Kyle was spinning, spinning, spinning and he didn’t mind it at all. Not so long as Dan remained close to his side, firmly anchoring him to the world.

When two o’clock rolled around, they were the only customers left in the brewery. Steve had ushered them both out of the door with a wry, “You don’t have to go home, but you’ve got to get the H,E, double-hockey-sticks out of here.”

So it was that Kyle found himself on a deserted patio with Dan, still floating and spectacularly faded. Dan took a handful of steps and stopped in front of a picnic table. He lifted a foot and none-too-gracefully settled on to the top of the table. His feet rested on the bench designated for sitting, the world’s tackiest trophy nestled beside his right leg. A street lamp provided just enough light for Kyle to see Dan’s face. 

“That trophy is hideous,” Kyle observed. 

Dan gazed down at it tenderly. “S’not. It’s _beautiful._ I won it, you know?”

“I know.”

“Got up there and fuckin sang REO.”

Kyle snorted. “I was sorta there.”

Dan dragged his eyes from the trophy to Kyle’s face. “Really glad you were. Couldn’t have done it otherwise.”

The darkness of the night mostly cloaked Kyle’s reaction to Dan’s words. Kyle’s arms were covered in goosebumps and the tiny hairs on the back of his neck were standing straight up. But only he knew about all of that—or so he hoped. 

“Pfffft. You didn’t need me. You’re probably secretly hitting up karaoke contests every night.”

“M’not.”

“Are.”

Dan blinked slowly. “It was meant for you.” He gave Kyle a tiny smile. “It’s my version of your coffeecup hearts and the rest of it.”

There was no night dark enough to hide Kyle’s shock at that. Fuck it. He was floating again. “But, but I thought you—“

“Could resist all that?” Dan shook his head and mimicked Kyle, “pfffft. You know me better than that.” 

“But. You, you’re always talking about how much time we’ve left in the residency and—”

“I know. So we can’t...” Dan trailed. 

Kyle felt defeat wrap around him, dragging him back to reality and looked away. There it was again; the length of their residency, stretched out between them. Each minute was a brick, building a wall that Kyle couldn’t go through. Dan spoke again, breaking through the construction of Kyle’s thoughts. 

“… but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to.”

Kyle’s feet seemed to move on their accord, taking him across the few steps that separated him from Dan. “So even though you think it’s…” Kyle searched for the right word. “Reckless. Ill-thought—“

“Terribly bad,” Dan nodded and scooted closer to Kyle.

“Because regardless of what happens, we’ll have to see each other every day—“

“For years and years, at the most difficult job imaginable,” Dan confirmed. He was balanced on the very edge of the table.

“Even so.” Kyle took the final step, the one that placed him directly in front of Dan. He watched as Dan shifted to make room for him. Dan’s knees were now on either side of him. Kyle forced himself to take a breath. Now was certainly not the time to fall at Dan’s feet. “Even so,” he repeated. “You still want—“

“You.” Dan nodded. “God, yes. I—“

Kyle leaned in and pressed his lips to Dan’s.

When Kyle had imagined this moment (and he _had_ imagined it— more times than he would ever admit to) he was never certain as to what Dan would actually do.

Never had he pictured this. 

That Dan would sigh, tilt his head back, and offer Kyle anything he felt like taking. That Dan’s hands would reach for Kyle’s hips to bring him closer, to keep him in place. That Dan would kiss him as if Dan was the one who had imagined it a million times before. 

Kyle was spinning, spinning, spinning all over again.

He broke the kiss just long enough to take a breath. Kyle kept his lips against Dan’s and asked, “But we can’t?” 

He felt Dan grin against his mouth before Dan moved to leave light kisses all along Kyle’s jaw on the way to his ear. “Can’t. S’terrible idea.” 

Kyle was about to reply when he felt Dan take his earlobe into his mouth. Who could waste energy on silly things like sentences when the earth was moving all about him? It was all he could do to not audibly gasp at what Dan was doing to him. 

He rested a hand on Dan’s knee and gripped it as he struggled to speak coherently. “What’s gotten into you tonight?” 

Dan moved from Kyle’s earlobe. 

“Dunno. Just. The trophy.” 

He kissed the spot behind Kyle’s ear. 

“The free beer.” 

He ran his lips softly down the side of Kyle’s neck and murmured, “The you.”

Kyle heard himself sigh and found that he wasn’t even embarrassed. He was actually pretty pleased with himself for not melting into some sort of puddle from Dan’s attention. He was still on his feet as if he knew exactly what to do when the person he liked best in the world was telling him all of the things he ever wanted to hear. 

Kyle brought a hand up to Dan’s face and turned so that his nose touched Dan’s temple. He nuzzled the side of Dan’s head and guided him back so that they were facing each other. With the light of the streetlamp glowing softly behind them, Kyle could count the freckles scattered across the top of his cheek and his nose. He had always wanted to kiss them and so he did. He watched as Dan’s eyes fluttered and then closed. A content smile slowly bloomed across Dan’s face. 

He stared at Dan and tried to fight his way through the spinning, the floating, the roar of everything happening inside of him. All Kyle wanted to do was memorize how Dan looked in this moment. Dan opened his eyes and Kyle was spinning his way into what had become his favourite shade of blue. Dan leaned up towards him and they were kissing as if they had not months, but years of lost time to make up. 

Suddenly Dan pulled back and a bit breathlessly said, “Steve.”

Kyle blinked, trying to make sense of it. “Is now really the _best_ time to discuss Steve?”

Dan’s face was already flushed full of colour but somehow found a way to turn an even darker shade of red. “He’s, he’s—“

“Right behind you, Romeo.” 

The familiar drawl made Kyle glance over his shoulder. Upon seeing Steve, Kyle leaned back a bit from Dan, but didn’t fully step away. Dan stayed exactly where he was, seeming to not care if Steve knew exactly what they were about.

Steve cleared his throat. “Y’all are cute. Really you are. But it’s late. And you were both drunk as hell last time I saw you,”

Kyle suddenly pictured Steve waiting calmly in the dark at a kitchen table as he and Dan snuck into their house past curfew. “Sorry, Dad,” he shrugged.

“You don’t look sorry,” Steve replied. “You look like a cat with a canary.”

“I am not a canary,” Dan protested. “I’m…”

Kyle and Steve watched him patiently, waiting for Dan to complete his thought. Dan gave a half smile and shrugged instead.

“You’re still drunk is what you are,” Steve said. “How are you two planning on getting home?” 

Kyle and Dan looked at each other, frowning as they considered their options. 

“That’s a great question,” Dan observed.

“Dan loves great questions,” Kyle added.

“It’s true. I really do.” 

As the two spoke, Steve seemed to arrive at a decision though the expression on his face was unchanged. “Ever ridden in the back of a pickup truck?”

They both stared at him in silence. 

“Well, let’s go then,” Steve stated. “Tonight is your lucky night.”

—

Kyle sat across from Dan in the back of Steve’s pickup truck and watched Steve close the tailgate with a thud. “This feels dodgy….sure this legal?”

Steve lifted one shoulder in response. “Nothing on the books about hauling some drunk ass Brits home after a night of karaoke and heavy drinking.” He paused. “Far as I know, anyway.”

Dan thought and then nodded. “Be strange if it was, yeah? That’s mad specific.”

Steve leaned his forearms against the side of the truck and studied them both. “There are a few rules you have to follow to ride in my truck. One, no making out.”

“No one has ever made out in this truck?” Kyle narrowed his eyes in disbelief. “Ever? Steve.”

“A gentleman does not kiss and tell. But there will be no making out between you two. I don’t want to be stopped at a red light, glance back here and see the two of you going at it.”

“Excuse you,” Kyle protested. “I think we can contain ourselves for the five minutes it takes to get home.” 

Dan gave a half hearted shrug. “Probably,” he said unconvincingly. 

He gave Kyle a lopsided grin that had Kyle questioning if he could, in fact, follow Steve’s-truck-rule-number-one. 

Steve directed his gaze to Dan. “Now, Dan. I’m going to need you to do better than that. You’re the responsible one between the two of you—“

“He’s the drunkest person in this truck!” Kyle argued.

Dan shrugged again and didn’t deny it.

“Rule number two. No moving around the truck. Not even to get your phone out. In fact, go ahead and get your phones where you can reach them.” As Steve spoke, Dan pulled his phone out and held it up where Steve could see it. “Knowing the two of you, you’ll each take forty pictures before we even get out of the parking lot.” 

Steve blinked as he watched Dan rapidly tap on his phone’s screen. “Dan.”

Dan didn’t look up from his phone. “Mmm?” 

“Did you just take my picture?”

“Sorry. What’s that?”

Steve sighed. “Did you just take my picture and then text it to Kyle?”

Dan shook his head just as Kyle’s phone vibrated with a new message. Kyle glanced down at it and laughed. 

Steve sighed again as if they had failed him in some major way. 

“Come on, Steve. This has been a top-five-in-my-life night and the only picture I have to show for it is a picture of you,” Dan explained.

Kyle stared at Dan as he made sense of Dan’s words. He wondered if Dan was exaggerating to get back on Steve’s good side or if… 

“Did Kyle not show you the video I took of you on stage? I sent it to him. It took up, like, half of the space I have on my phone.”

“Really? Steeevvveee…” Dan grinned. He moved as if he planned to get up and embrace Steve.

“Dan. Sit down. Please. We can do all that later. I just need y’all to follow the rules so I can get you home safely. It’s late, guys. Last thing we need is one of you falling out of the truck and me having to take you to the hospital.”

“We are doctors, you know,” Kyle spoke up. 

“It’s true,” Dan confirmed. “Kyle’s a great doctor.”

“So is Dan. He’s fucking brilliant. He knows the answers to _everything_. He knows how to help everyone.”

“You do, too! Besides, everyone there adores you. The entire nursing staff. All the patients. The lady who runs the sandwich line in the canteen…” 

Kyle was pretty sure he was spinning again. Top five night, indeed.

Steve’s voice cut into his thoughts, “I just feel bad for whoever’s in charge of y’all.”

Dan and Kyle broke into smiles at the thought of Dr. Farquarson. “Oh, he _hates_ us,” Kyle said. 

“He hates everything,” Dan agreed. “But us, especially.” 

Something about the way Dan spoke sent Kyle into a fit of laughter. Dan snorted and then tucked his chin down towards his chest as broke into his “hee-hee-yeahs.”

Steve shook his head. “I can’t reason with either of you right now. Just try to behave and for the love of all that is holy and pure, please don’t fall out of my truck.” 

They were still laughing as he walked away.

—

The wind blew lightly through Kyle’s hair as they made their way down the street. He gripped the side of the truck with one hand. His legs were stretched across the truck, pressed alongside Dan’s. 

Only the occasional street light broke up the darkness, but Kyle didn’t mind. It felt nice, ridiculously nice, to be exactly where he was. The truck slowed to a stop as they approached a red light. He glanced over at Dan and found that Dan had his phone fixed on him.

Kyle tilted his head. “Are you filming me or taking—“

“Filming. So I don’t forget.”

For a second, Kyle thought about making a joke. For a second, he thought about saying everything he’d ever wanted to say to Dan. A series of images began to flash through Kyle’s mind:

Doctor Dan with his elbows on his knees as he attempted to be eye level with a little girl, telling her how brave she was for getting an injection. 

Dan, standing on the other side of Kyle’s front door, the night after they met Michelle and were both wrecked over her illness.

Dan’s face and those damn freckles, _finally_ within Kyle’s reach. 

Dan holding a microphone and the entire crowd of brewery in the palm of his hand as he sang to Kyle. 

How was Kyle supposed to say any of that to Dan?

Well. Kyle knew three words that covered all of it, but he wasn’t sure if those words were allowed to exist outside of his own head. 

Instead, Kyle closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and appreciated where he was and whom he was with. When he opened them, Dan was still staring at him. Dan’s face was full of such gentleness that Kyle suddenly had hope—hope that Dan was feeling something that felt a lot like love, too. 

The truck lurched forward and Kyle knew he’d have to raise his voice to be heard; now was not the time to vocalize that confession. He smiled at Dan just before darkness fell all around them and felt Dan’s hand drop to his ankle. Dan wrapped his hand around him in a light grip and held on. 

Kyle couldn’t see Dan. 

Kyle couldn’t film him.

But he knew he’d remember this moment exactly as it was. 

—

No sooner had Kyle turned from locking his front door, than he found himself with his back pressed against it. He opened his mouth to speak, but any question he could have thought to ask was swallowed by Dan as their lips crashed together. 

Kyle brought his hand up along the side of Dan’s face before resting on the nape of his neck. He could feel Dan everywhere, all at once. It was overwhelming and somehow still not enough. He wrapped his free hand in as much of Dan’s shirt as he could, pulling him closer. As he did, he felt Dan’s fingertips slide beneath the hem of his own shirt and press into his sides. 

Dan pulled back just long enough to drop his face to Kyle’s sternum. Kyle closed his eyes and buried his hand in Dan’s hair. 

Suddenly, Dan stilled and became a statue in Kyle’s arms. 

“Hey,” Kyle said softly. “Alright then?”

“I, I think I’m—“ Dan jerked away from Kyle and practically sprinted further into the apartment. A door slammed shut and Kyle stood in a stunned silence. Cautiously, he followed Dan’s path and paused outside of his washroom. He could hear Dan getting sick and winced. 

Kyle moved away, stopping only to grab a pillow and blanket from the closet. He carried them with him to his bedroom and started straightening up his bed. By the time Dan wandered in, Kyle had things more or less presentable. 

Dan leaned against the door frame. “I’m sorry, I just—fuck. Why has today been so vomity?” 

Kyle laughed. “Well, it wasn’t _all_ vomity, now was it?”

“True.” A tiny smile formed on Dan’s pale face. “Not all of it. Not by a long shot.” His eyes followed Kyle as Kyle moved to open a drawer. Kyle pulled out some clothes and handed them to Dan.

“Here. You can sleep in these—between these and my scrubs, you’re slowly claiming my wardrobe as your own.” 

“You don’t seem to mind.”

“I don’t. You look good in them.” Kyle watched as colour returned to Dan’s cheeks. “Right. So the bed for you, the couch for me.”

“No, no. If anything, I should be taking the couch.”

“Dan. It’s already settled. You and Soup are in here. He’s quite excited about getting a new sleep buddy. Be a shame to let him down, don’t you think?”

Dan looked at the plush penguin that sat propped up against the pillows and smirked. “Does he always sleep in the bed?”

“Well, he does have standards, you know.” Kyle moved closer to Dan and stopped just beside him. “Night, then?”

Dan nodded and reached around to hug Kyle. “Good night.”

As Kyle stepped into the hallway, he silently agreed.

—

Sunlight flooded Kyle’s apartment and raised him from sleep. He could see Dan’s trophy sitting in its tacky glory by the front door. He smiled as he put the pieces together from the night before. He shuffled to the washroom and then took the few steps from there to his bedroom. He halted outside his own door, hand raised to knock, and pictured Dan curled up in his bed, his arms wrapped around Soup. 

Kyle thought of what they would do next: he could make Dan breakfast—he was pretty sure he had enough eggs in the refrigerator for a respectable omelette--or maybe they could go to the farmer’s market...Dan loved the food truck with the breakfast burritos. Kyle’s thoughts wandered back to all of the things they had done after the brewery closed….or maybe they could just stay in. Maybe Dan would see him and greet him with open arms…pull him close and…

Kyle knocked gently on the door and waited for a response. When none came, he waited what he felt was a respectable amount of time before opening the door. When he walked into his room, it was much as he left it. 

The only thing missing was Dan. 

But for Soup, the bed was empty. There was no note. No new text on his phone.

Dan had left with no explanation.


	8. inhibition factors

An hour passed, then another, and still there was no sign of Dan.

Kyle was a lot of things, but he wasn’t an idiot. 

He was a rational adult, a doctor for fuck’s sake, he could arrive at a diagnosis. 

He looked at his room, at the state of his bed, and he could deduce that Dan had slept there. He looked at his empty home, and he could deduce that Dan had likely regretted everything. 

Kyle knew that he had been the one to make the first move. He had been the one to constantly tease and flirt even though he heard Dan’s weak protests. Kyle was the one who initiated the first kiss, even though Dan had told him that it was a bad idea.

Dan’s protests had never been particularly loud, but his absence was deafening. 

Kyle moved from his bedroom to the lounge, and there sat Dan’s stupid trophy by his door. It was glowing in the sunlight, sparkling and completely unconcerned at how it contrasted with the heavy feeling in the apartment. 

Honestly, the damn thing was making Kyle angry. 

Dan had _sung_ to him. Kyle witnessed it first-hand, he had the video on his phone, he had the memory of Dan telling him as much. Dan instigated that one. Hell, he had planned it. Now that Kyle was sober enough to do the maths, he recalled Dan asking about the karaoke contest the week before. 

Dan could have chosen any song in the world to sing but went with Can’t Fight This Feeling. 

Kyle had nothing to do with that. 

And ok, yes. Kyle had kissed Dan first, but Dan had literally welcomed him with open arms. What’s more, once they were alone in the apartment, Dan had initiated everything. 

It wasn’t until Dan was left alone in Kyle’s room, tucked into Kyle’s bed with Soup at his side, that things had derailed. Furthermore, _Dan_ had been the one to buy Kyle a damn plush penguin— who bloody does that for someone whom they don’t intend to marry? Or if not marry, at least intend to make out with extensively?

Kyle frowned. He felt guilty for swearing about Soup; that little guy had brought nothing but joy into Kyle’s life and deserved better. Kyle could blame Dan for that, too—for making him so upset he was cursing an adorable plushie.

So sure, Kyle figured, he had done a lot to move this thing along. Kyle would accept the blame for some of it, but he didn’t regret any of the things he had done. His motives, if not pure (because, well, his thoughts regarding Dan weren’t always the purest), were, at the very least, honest and sincere.

For Dan to leave, to sneak past him and walk out after all that happened, for Dan to not call, to let an entire day go by without saying anything—

The longer the silence stretched, the more it felt like rejection.

—

Monday morning arrived, and Kyle still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act. 

Part of him didn’t want to go to work to face Dan, but he knew that would only prove Dan to be correct. It would prove that all of it was a distraction, an interference with their training, their residency, which was what Dan had been cautioning from day one. 

All Kyle had to do was stride into work, chin held high as if it didn’t matter than Dan didn’t want him at all, now that he kissed him. Totally fine. No big deal. It didn’t make Kyle want to cry at all. Nope.

It seemed a bit wrong and desperate to go pick up their usual morning coffees, so even though every fiber in Kyle’s body protested against it, he skipped out on his Starbucks visit. He figured he could grab some disgusting version of coffee from the canteen later on, if he absolutely had to. 

Otherwise, his morning routine was unchanged. Kyle greeted everyone with a smile and few words of encouragement as if his heart was still intact. No one seemed to notice a difference. It was fine. Kyle would grow old all alone, and it was fine. He was that cartoon-dog-sitting-amongst-flames-while-wearing-a-jaunty-hat fine. 

He gathered with the others for morning rounds and was the coolest of cool when Dan arrived late, two seconds before Dr. Farquarson. Kyle hardly even noticed that Dan’s blue scrubs were the exact fucking shade as his eyes. 

When Dan stood next to him during the rounds, Kyle pretended that didn’t kickstart a small flicker of hope in his chest. Surely, Dan had done it out of habit—because he always stood there, because they were partners. It didn’t mean that he wanted to go make out with Kyle against the lockers in the breakroom, probably.

Kyle chanced a small glance Dan’s way just to make sure that was the case. 

Dan avoided Kyle’s eyes, and his face seemed to grow a bit red.

Kyle instantly returned to the way he had felt the previous day. Dan had made him feel so small, and actually seeing Dan ignore him now made Kyle feel as if he were nothing. Kyle felt invisible.

Kyle was many, many things—but he wasn’t fine.

—

By Wednesday, Kyle legitimately could not take it anymore. 

He was learning to live without all sorts of things, but he drew the line at his caffeine intake. He needed coffee to survive. Wandering into his Starbucks, he was surprised to find only a handful of people in the queue. He wondered if there was some other catastrophe, one that didn’t involve him and Dan, happening in the world that was keeping people from their overpriced coffee addiction. 

He reached the front of the queue and was met with a smile from Amy.

“Hiii,” she greeted. “It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you, are you ok?”

Kyle paused, wondering how best to answer. Most of the time when people asked that question, they weren’t interested in the answer. However, he was talking to someone who had drawn at least a hundred hearts on coffee cups for a man she had never met. Kyle felt like he could trust her with the truth.

“Not great,” he admitted. “Had a row with Dan.”

Her eyebrows rose behind her glasses. “A row? That’s Brit-speak for fight, isn’t it?”

“That is correct. So, uh, I’ll just have my coffee today and well, I guess, I guess it’ll just be the one coffee from here out.” He opened his wallet and waited for her to process his order. 

“Oh, Kyle. I’m sorry.” 

He looked up at her words and saw the sadness on her face. Her concern caught him unexpectedly, and he felt his eyes grow damp. And fuck, this was worse than crying in the club, wasn’t it? He was about to cry in a bloody Starbucks. 

Kyle glanced over his shoulder to make sure half the city wasn’t standing behind him bearing witness to his come apart. Thankfully, he and Amy were the only ones on that side of the shop. 

“S’ok,” Kyle managed when, really, it wasn’t ok. It was the most opposite of ok, anything had ever been. He had been rejected from a relationship that he had never actually been in. It was very _not_ ok. 

Desperate for a distraction, he held his credit card up, hoping it would divert Amy’s attention away from him and back to ringing up his order. 

“Kyle, hey. No. This one is free. I’m not taking your money right now.” 

He closed his eyes for a second, just long enough to get his shit together, to keep his emotions away from the moment. Kyle knew he needed to separate what he was internalizing from what was appropriate to display publicly. It was something he had done countless times at work when faced with actual traumas, but he found it to be of use in this situation, too.

When he opened his eyes, he smiled at Amy. “Thank you. It’s quite possible you’re the kindest person in the world.”

She laughed, seeming pleased. She picked up a marker and wrote on his coffee cup as she spoke, “I don’t know about the entire world…”

“Well. At the least, the kindest person in this shop.”

Amy smirked a little at that. “Perhaps.” 

A chime suddenly filled the room, signaling that another customer had entered the building. Kyle took that as his cue to move along. He waited for his drink, not bothering to check his phone as he did so. There was only one person he wanted to talk to, and Dan hadn’t sent anything to him since the day of the karaoke contest.

Kyle took his coffee when it was ready, but it wasn’t until he was outside on the sidewalk that he looked at his cup. Amy had added a few embellishments, there were little stars everywhere and she had written:

**K Y L E  
** (the actual best)  


Kyle laughed for maybe the first time that week and turned to go back into the shop. Amy looked up from the table she was straightening. He went directly to her and scooped her up into a hug. He heard her chortle in amusement as she went to put her arms around him, returning the friendly embrace for what it was. 

When he left the shop for the second time of the day, his step was a little lighter. He knew he didn’t have to keep his sadness all to himself, that he was lucky to have friends in this city so far from home who would carry it with him.

It made the prospect of facing the day far less daunting than it appeared earlier. 

—

The days continued to move at glacial speed. 

By the week’s end, the only times that Dan and Kyle had spoken to one another were completely related to their work. They were polite, cordial, and helpful exchanges. 

It was: “Dr. Smith, could you please hand me the gauze?”

Or: “Dr. Simmons will call the pharmacy to follow up on your medications.”

And Kyle hated it. 

He missed joking with Dan and trying to see how many times he could make Dan’s face turn red in a single day. Kyle hadn’t realized how often he physically touched Dan until it was off limits. He kept having to invent new things to do with his hands. He’d reach for Dan and remember halfway through that he shouldn’t, that Dan didn’t want him, and have to improvise something else. There were only so many high fives you could give someone before you looked completely mental. 

Aside from spending his lunch breaks with the nurses, his social life had dwindled to nothing. While the nurses were a genuine delight (they knew everything about everyone) and had taken him in as one of their own, his nights were dull. He went home and, at a loss for anything better to do, he studied. When Dr. Farquarson had singled him out on rounds Tuesday about immunological drugs, Kyle had answered by practically delivering a fucking Ted talk on interleukin-6 inhibitors. Everyone lost their damn minds in celebration afterwards. For a moment, Kyle could’ve sworn that Dr. Barnes teared up in pride. Even Dan looked as if he wanted to say something, though of course, he didn’t. Kyle watched the smile disintegrate on Dan’s face as he seemed to remember he didn’t want to offer encouragement to Kyle about anything, ever. 

The entire thing was disaster.

Kyle would’ve happily traded his textbooks for a beer and wished he could rewind to the past week when he was sitting alongside Dan in the brewery.

Kyle had stopped going to the brewery. He missed Steve and their little chats, but he couldn’t risk running into Dan and being rejected there, too. He supposed there was a chance that Dan wasn’t actually going to the brewery either, but Kyle wasn’t sure if he was allowed to ask Dan about that. 

He wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

He gave Dan space because it seemed it was what Dan wanted. Dan had nothing to say about any of it either way. 

\--

It wasn’t until Friday at lunch that Kyle found himself alone with Dan. Kyle swung the door to the break room open and there at a table, surrounded by empty chairs, sat Dan. Dan held his phone in one hand and a sad looking sandwich in the other. Dan’s eyes widened as he looked at Kyle.

Kyle thought of all the things he wanted to say to Dan, all of the unanswered questions that kept him awake at night. He opened his mouth to speak and all he could manage was “Oh.”

“Hullo,” Dan offered. Kyle was reminded of the first time he met Dan; Dan turning around on the barstool and looking up with heavy lids and shyness. It was almost the exact same greeting for two widely different circumstances. 

Kyle was going to say something, god knows what, when he heard Laura calling him from the hallway. “Kyle! Let’s go! The taco truck waits for no one!”

He looked over his shoulder at her and then back into the empty break room at Dan. 

“But you’ve brought your lunch today,” Dan said quietly. “We could have lunch here—if you, you wanted. I know it’s not—“

“How’d you know?” Kyle asked and instantly felt stupid. 

This was not the conversation he wanted to have with Dan. It was not the right question.

Dan gestured in the direction of the refrigerator. “I, uh. Your lunchbox is in there.” He offered Kyle a nervous smile. “Unless someone else here has a Starlord lunchbox.”

Kyle gave pause. 

Maybe this was it—the moment everything pivoted again. 

Maybe Dan would explain why he left on Saturday morning. He could explain how he slipped out of Kyle’s apartment in a reverse burglary, desperate to escape Kyle, but taking Kyle’s heart and his sanity with him as he went. He could explain why he hadn’t called or texted or even properly looked at Kyle all week. He could explain how he could act as if Friday night had meant nothing, had changed nothing in his life. 

Before Kyle could say a word, Dan’s phone vibrated with a new text. He watched as Dan looked down to the screen and typed a reply. 

And well. _Fuck_ that.

“Oh. So your phone does work, does it?” Kyle spat.

Dan’s eyes were instantly back on Kyle’s face, but Kyle didn’t give him a chance to say anything.

“It’s fine. Don’t mind me. Go right ahead and text the important people in your life about your sad little sandwich or what-the-fuck-ever.”

Dan’s mouth fell open. “My sad little sandwi—“

Kyle was gone before Dan could finish, storming off to get tacos from a food truck like he was some sort of scorned Taylor Swift song. 

—

Sunday afternoon found Kyle in the brewery. He was tired of avoiding it; it wasn’t so much that he missed the alcohol, but that he longed for the way he had felt when he was there. Technically, it was _his_ brewery, it was closer to his apartment than it was to Dan’s. Every day he passed it on his walk from the hospital, and he had to force his feet onward and continue home.

Kyle found a seat at the bar and waited for Steve to finish conversing with another customer. He scanned the room as he did. Everything looked exactly the same: the walls were covered in colorful paintings from local artists, small groups of people gathered at tables having a laugh, there were an appropriate number of dogs wearing bandanas. 

The only thing that seemed different was the empty seat next to Kyle.

That realization stung more than a little.

He was debating whether or not he should leave when he heard a familiar drawl.

“Long time, no see, friend. Doing alright?”

Kyle knew that there was no use in trying to lie to Steve. Steve had always seen straight through him. “Honestly? I’ve been better.”

Steve nodded. “Let me get our official business out of the way and then we’ll hash this out. What are you having?”

Kyle’s eyes went to the chalkboard menu hanging about the bar and he shrugged. “I don’t care what you pour me. Surprise me.” He sighed. “I guess you’ve sussed it out about Dan and me.”

Steve blinked and stared at Kyle for a beat before reaching for a glass and placing it under a tap. “He’s been in here every day this week,” he said simply. He set the beer before Kyle. “Plenty of places he could go for a drink and conversation in New Orleans, but this is where he’s been. I wonder why that is.”

“It’s nothing to do with me, if that’s what you’re getting at. And doesn’t he drink for free here now that he’s won that bloody contest?” Kyle shrugged again and took a sip of his beer.

Steve tilted his head as if he were considering Kyle’s remarks. “That starts next month. He’s still a paying customer. That doesn’t explain why he’s been sitting here each night like a kicked puppy, looking at the door every time it opens.”

Kyle snorted in disagreement. “No one has kicked him, I assure you. Not to give you every little detail of my life but _he’s_ the one that did this. He’s the kicker.”

“Well. I gotta say, this is the first time in all the months that I’ve known you that weren’t all about giving me every little detail of your life—“

“Excuse y—“

“You practically gave me your life story the instant we met.”

“I did no such—“

“Basically told me your home address, where you worked, and that you were in love with Da—“

Kyle shook his head. “I have no recollection of that.” He sipped his drink with as much dignity as he could muster given the character assassination he was currently under. Steve could be such a drama queen.

“Ok, Kyle. If you say so.” Steve turned as if to move away but stopped when Kyle placed a hand on his arm. He raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“Has, has he really been here every night?” Kyle wondered.

“Yes. He’s spent more time here than some of the folks on staff have this week, lookin’ all kinds of sad and wounded.”

Kyle took another drink as he processed the information. “Just _how_ sad and wounded has he looked? Like, on a scale of one to openly weeping?”

“A solid 8.” 

Kyle nodded, strangely satisfied with the answer. At least he hadn’t been suffering alone. Steve’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

“But you can see for yourself. He just walked in the door.” 

Kyle glanced up and saw Dan. Dan did look sad and wounded, now that Kyle viewed him in this light. There were heavy circles under Dan’s eyes, so dark they were visible even through his glasses. He looked paler than usual and even his hair seemed to droop a bit. 

As Kyle wondered if it was possible for Dan’s hair to have feelings, Dan’s gaze fell on him. Dan seemed to freeze for a moment before he walked purposefully towards Kyle. 

Kyle steeled himself for the worst, though after the Dan-less week he had just endured, he wasn’t sure what could be worse.

“Do you think we, we could talk?” Dan asked as he stood at a respectful distance from Kyle. There was no danger of Kyle doing anything rash or scandalous like touching Dan with all the space Dan had left between them. Kyle almost remarked on it, but paused at the look on Dan’s face. 

The past months had made Kyle something of an expert on the many expressions and shades of colour that could be found on Dan’s face. 

Dan was nervous. 

No, Kyle amended, Dan was _scared_. 

Not trusting his voice, Kyle nodded his consent. 

He watched as Dan exhaled and some of Dan’s tension seemed to leave his shoulders. “Can we go outside? It’s a bit more private.” 

Kyle raised an eyebrow at that, though he wasn’t ready to joke with Dan. He simply nodded again. He glanced back at the bar at the new pints of beer that Steve had somehow set in front of them without either of them seeing it. He grabbed his glass and followed Dan outdoors. There were a few other people on the patio, but Dan settled at a table in the back, far from anyone else.

Kyle sat down on a bench across from Dan, facing him. Dan drank, looked over Kyle’s shoulder to the bar, fidgeted with a napkin dispenser on the table, and Kyle knew they’d be there all night if he didn’t speed this along.

“Dan.”

At the sound of his name, Dan finally looked at Kyle. “I don’t know where to begin,” he admitted.

Kyle sighed in exasperation. “Do you regret it?”

“Do I—no. Yes. I shouldn’t have—“ Dan covered his face with his hands and Kyle heard him take a breath. He dropped his hands and said, “I know I’m fucking this right up. I don’t mean to, but I am.” 

“Let me ask this in another way, do you regret singing that song?”

Dan shook his head. “I don’t. Do you regret it?”

“Stop. Just, no. You can’t turn this around and interview _me_. You don’t get to do that.” Kyle closed his eyes for a brief second and tried to stay composed. “What do you regret, then? You ‘shouldn’t have’ what?” 

Kyle watched as Dan took another gulp of his drink, intent on stalling, getting buzzed or both. Dan placed his glass on the table and stared at it as he spoke. “It’s easy for you, Kyle.”

“Wh—“

Dan looked up and gestured as he said, “All of this, everything. It’s so easy for you that you don’t even notice. It’s not that way for me.”

“I don’t understand. Easy, how?”

“For as long as I can remember, I’ve wanted to be a doctor. I built my entire life around that. The right courses, the right schools. And I’ve had to work my ass off for it. I have a handful of friends and my family. That’s it. There isn’t time for anything else. But you, you…”

Kyle shrugged. “I’m what? A distraction? A distraction who doesn’t take his career very seriously? A waste of your time? I’m what, exactly?”

Dan gaped at Kyle’s words. “Fuck. Kyle. No. That’s not wha—“

Kyle felt his eyes grow damp as his emotions all seemed to rush forward at once. He stood. “I should go. Just walk away, yeah? That’s what we do, isn’t it?”

Dan stared up at Kyle with an expression that Kyle had never seen on him before. It stopped Kyle’s movements entirely. 

“You, you _are_ a distraction, but in the best sort of way,” Dan stammered and looked so earnest that Kyle knew he could never walk away from Dan. Silently, he sank back down onto the bench and waited for Dan to finish. 

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Dan said softly. “I was embarrassed. I panicked. None of this was in my plan.”

Kyle lifted his chin and stared at Dan straight on, forcing Dan to meet his sight. “Anything, literally, anything else would have been better. You regretted the kissing? We could’ve had a terribly awkward conversation about it and agreed to forget it and move past it—like it never happened. But fuck. You crept out and then ignored me for a week. Was it as bad as all that?”

“No! No. I was embarrassed that I nearly got sick all over you in the middle of it. And it isn’t, isn’t that I regret the, the kissing, because jesus Kyle, I can’t stop thinking about it—it was so fucking _good_ —but we, I can’t. We work together, they could hold it against us, it could—“

His mind reeling with the secrets Dan was spilling, Kyle held his hands up to slow Dan down. “Whoa, hey. Technically it isn’t against any rules—“

“Technically, no. But the attendings—“

Kyle snorted. “The attendings? Ok. Dr. Barnes is engaged to Kelli over in pharmacy and everyone is pretty sure that Dr. Farquarson is dating that Michael bloke over in radiology. So.”

“You know all this how, exactly?” Dan shook his head in disbelief.

“I’ve had lunch with nurses all week and, believe me when I tell you, they know everything.”

“Do they know, uh, about last weekend, did you—“

Kyle smirked. “Did I tell them that you seduced me in the back of a pickup truck, slept with my penguin, and then abandoned me in the morning?”

It was deeply satisfying for Kyle to watch Dan’s ears instantly flame into a bright shade of red. “I. I didn’t sleep with Soup. Don’t make it sound so incestuous. I was asleep, he was there next to me.”

“So you didn’t cuddle him? I find that unlikely.” 

“I might’ve hugged him, but there’s no proof.” Dan smiled for the first time since they sat down together. And even though it was apparently off limits, Kyle’s chest flip flopped in response.

“You keep thinking about Friday night, too?” Kyle wondered. “You said that it was—“

“I do, it _was_ , but I don’t know what to do with this, with you. The timing is, well, it isn’t great.” Dan's eyes met Kyle’s and looked soft. “I am sorry, you know. It was a dick move, the leaving, the not calling and that’s all on me, it’s not a, a reflection on you. I wanted things to be better, like they were, but I only made them worse and I’m sorry.”

Kyle had to look away, at anything else, he didn’t trust himself to keep meeting Dan’s gaze. “I hear what you’re saying, I do. But that shit hurt. You can’t just ghost on me, alright?”

“I know. I won’t do it again.”

“No?”

“No. I won’t,” Dan promised. Kyle glanced up when he felt Dan bump his foot against Kyle’s. “Hey. Can I just say two things that I’ve wanted to talk to you about all week?”

“Sure.”

“One, you’ve listened to a truly alarming amount of Taylor Swift songs on Spotify lately.” The corners of Dan’s mouth twitched and it wasn’t lost on Kyle that Dan had yet to move his foot away. 

“Well. She speaks to my heart. And you shouldn’t stalk me.”

“It’s called a private session, it’s just a little button to click and no one has to be any the wiser that you ‘knew I was trouble when I walked in’—“

“Ok, that song is totally _not_ about you. No one has ever declared you to be trouble. Though you did leave me lying on the cold hard ground—“

“—it was a sofa and you looked cozy.” 

Kyle scoffed. “No one has forgiven you for anything yet.”

“Two, I could listen to you talk about immunological medications all damn day. Interleukin-6? TNFs? You really shouldn’t try to openly seduce me at morning rounds like that. It isn’t proper.” Dan grinned widely, clearly pleased with himself. 

“You are such a nerd. You’re playing fuckin footsie with me and drooling over ways to inhibit tumor necrosis factors.” Kyle rolled his eyes. He felt two very deliberate taps to the side of his foot from Dan and Kyle looked back at Dan.

“Are we ok, now?” Dan asked. “I really want us to be. Very sorry. Piece of rubbish, right here,” Dan pointed at himself. 

“We’ll be ok,” Kyle replied. “Just don’t—“

“I won’t.” Dan pulled his phone out. “I’ll text you now if you’d like.” 

“You really don’t have to do—“ Kyle sighed and glanced down at his phone as it vibrated. On his screen was a text from Dan that consisted of 3 penguin emojis. “Really, it’s fine. There’s no—“ Kyle’s phone continued to vibrate as Dan sent text after text.

Kyle turned his phone face down on the table and lifted his pint to take a drink and cover his smile.

Things were more than on their way to being ok again.

—

The next day, Kyle was nearly late to morning rounds. 

He took his place next to Dan just before Dr. Barnes began going over that day’s cases. Silently, Kyle handed Dan one of the two cups of coffees he was holding. From the corner of his eye, Kyle watched as Dan discreetly turned the cup around to read the name scribbled across the side. What he found there caused a full smile to stretch across his face. Dan recovered quickly and replaced it with a serious expression as Dr. Barnes continued to speak. Kyle listened carefully, but was slightly distracted when he felt Dan’s elbow brush lightly against his side.

Kyle didn’t know what any of it meant for Dan and him, but decided for the time being, he was ok with that, too. 

Kyle was many things, but he wasn’t someone who gave up easily.


	9. phoradendron serotinum

Every time Kyle turned around, he found Dan standing under mistletoe. 

Initially, it felt as if he were dreaming, because honestly, that was just the sort of thing his brain would choose to torture him with. But as the weeks led into Christmas and it kept happening, Kyle became convinced that it wasn’t his _brain_ that was torturing him, but the actual universe.

Kyle’s Christmas list consisted of exactly one thing. It was unfortunate that no matter how good or well-behaved he was, there was no chance that jolly Old Saint Nick would leave Dan sitting under his tree. 

On the off-chance that Christmas miracles were a real thing, Kyle had been on his best behavior. By day, he could be found helping the elderly navigate the hospital’s labyrinthine-esque hallways. He answered questions unprompted at rounds, and hardly made a fuss when Dr. Farquarson assigned him the ickiest cases. By night, he could be found studying. He made stacks and stacks of flashcards with Dan at the brewery. To what seemed like Dan’s utter delight, they spent ages going through them, quizzing one another on every medical procedure, disease, cure and treatment under the sun. 

By all accounts, Kyle had been a model citizen, the perfect resident, the BEST best friend, and yet if there was a doorway in his life that had mistletoe affixed upon it, Dan was sure to be found underneath it. 

It was enough to drive the sanest of the sane into madness—to be continually taunted with the one thing they wanted, but could not have.

—

To start, there was the mistletoe at Kyle and Amy’s Starbucks. If any mistletoe should’ve been safe from Dan, it was that one. Dan had never been able to get his shit together and make it to work on time with more than a few minutes to spare. The idea that he would be early enough to actually pick up coffee before a shift was laughable.

Yet two weeks before Christmas, Dan was waiting for him outside of the coffeeshop. Kyle almost tripped on a non-existent crack in the sidewalk when he spotted Dan bundled in a black coat and a yellow grey scarf that made him look devastating. It was far too early in the day to be met with something like that.

Dan moved towards him with a small smile. “Hullo. Thought I might buy this round. I only owe you a few hundred cups of coffee.” He lightly bumped Kyle’s forearm with his elbow. “Can’t believe you’re awake at this hour every morning.”

Kyle opened the door and they entered the shop. “Some of us actually sleep at night. Helps us stay rested and function during normal daylight hours. You might try it.” He glanced sideways at Dan as they stood in the back of the queue. “I didn’t realize you even knew where this place was.”

Dan huffed. “Mind your manners. I’m treating you, after all.”

“I like your scarf.”

Dan narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Now you’re just—“

“It makes you look quite dashing. More so than usual, even.” Kyle grinned as Dan’s eyes widened and his face flushed. 

“I’m sure this is just part of your last-ditch effort to get back in Santa’s good graces.”

“Me? You’re the one who showed up to buy morning coffee for the first time all year. I’d say that makes you the one trying to get back on the nice list.” 

“Are you implying that I’m on the other list?”

For a split second, Kyle considered letting that remark slide, but only for a moment. He smiled and leaned closer to Dan’s ear to avoid being overheard. “Only you know how naught—“

“Jesus, Kyle. Do not finish that thought.” Dan glanced up at Kyle and then down to the ground, ears red. 

Kyle laughed and looked towards the front of the queue. As he did, he saw Amy who was observing them with a shocked expression on her face. Eyes wide, she tilted her head slightly at Dan who was still staring at his feet. 

Understanding her silent question, Kyle nodded. 

She blinked, then raised an eyebrow that indicated that she was impressed. 

Kyle made an expression that clearly stated “I knooooow, right?”

“What are you on about?” Dan wondered, jarring Kyle’s attention away from Amy. Kyle attempted to appear nonchalant.

“What. Nothing.” He shuffled forward as the queue moved.

“I don’t buy that for a second. You were definitely up to—“

“AMY. What a surprise,” Kyle interrupted as they finally reached the counter. “Haven’t seen you in ages. How’ve you been?”

Amy grinned and tucked a stray hair behind her ear. “You saw me just yesterday.”

Dan stared between the two of them as if watching a tennis match. He broke into a smile as his sight settled on the barista. “Oh! So _you’re_ Amy? So pleased to meet you! I’m a big fan of your art.”

She laughed. “You must be Dan.”

“Should’ve led with that, right. Is it weird that I’m a bit nervous? Kyle speaks so highly of you and your coffee cups are a highlight of my mornings and I’m talking too much—“

Amy shook her head. “I know what you mean. I’ve heard a lot about you, as well. I’m glad you like the cups. It was all Kyle’s—“

“There’s no need to get into all of that, pals,” Kyle interjected. “Does it matter who thought of what, when? The important thing is that we’re all here together at long last. It’s a Christmas mirac—“

Though they had only known each for a handful of minutes, Dan and Amy both rolled their eyes at Kyle in unison. Kyle immediately regretted introducing them; the two of them had enough information on him to be rather dangerous. 

“What can I get for you?” Amy wondered as if Kyle had not spoken at all.

“Whatever he normally has,” said Dan.

Amy nodded as she tapped the orders onto the screen that was immediately in front of her. She picked up a pink marker and moved to write on the cup but paused. “Mind if I switch up the designs since you’re buying today?”

Dan swiped his credit card as he spoke. “Not at all. You’re the artist here.”

“Thank you, Dan. That’s very thoughtful of you.” 

“I’m a thoughtful sort of pers—“

Kyle held his hands in the air as he spoke over Dan. “Ok, alright. That’s quite enough of that. No need to form an alliance here, you’ve only just met.”

Dan shook his head. “He always gets like this when—“

“I know, it’s like he can’t—“

Kyle flung an arm around Dan’s shoulder and began to lead him away. “Would you look at that? We’re holding up the queue! Thoughtful people certainly don’t do that, now do they?” 

“Chat later?” Dan called over to Amy.

“Of course,” she replied before turning to prepare their drinks. 

Once they were out of earshot and safely down the counter, Dan glanced up at Kyle. “She’s great.”

“Yes, I know. What have I been saying all year?” Kyle snorted in amusement. “And you with your ‘chat later,’ since when are you ever instantly best mates with someone, eh?”

“Well. You. I knew straight away with you.” 

Kyle blinked, his mind attempting to process the statement in the most platonic way possible but failing. 

Before Kyle could say anything, Dan’s phone began to vibrate. He checked the screen and shrugged in apology. “It’s my mum. I should take it. Give me just a moment.” Dan turned and walked to the corner of the room in search of privacy.

Amy’s presence on the other side of the counter forced his thoughts away from Dan.

“I feel like I’ve met a celebrity,” she commented and set the coffees in front of Kyle. “I don’t know what I was expecting, but…”

“It’s difficult to prepare for someone like that.” Kyle paused at how heavy the words sounded. He had meant them lightly but truth had given them weight. 

“He’s standing under mistletoe,” Amy noted. 

Kyle discreetly peeked over his shoulder. Sure enough, Dan leaned against the wall in deep conversation with his mum while mistletoe hung merrily over his head. 

“Oh, come on,” Kyle whined. “How is _that_ fair? I’m not allowed to do anything about it.”

“Maybe someone is giving you a sign that you can do something about it?”

Kyle stared blankly at Amy. “Someone? Like god or some—“

Amy sighed in exasperation. “No. Someone like I-don’t-know-Dan.”

“Oh no no. Definitely _not_ Dan. He’s made that very clear. We’re study buddies. We do flash cards. We do quizzes for fun.”

“He woke up early to come buy you coffee. Pretty sure you do that for people you really care for. Besides, I saw the two of you standing in that line, all cozied up—study buddies don’t do that.” 

Kyle lifted a hand and swatted the notion away, “Pfffttt.”

“He lights up when he looks at you. I’ve seen it.”

“Again, I say pfffttt. You need to get the prescription on your glasses checked. One of my mates is an optometrist, I could set you up with an appointment.”

“I bet if you looked over at him right now, he would shine brighter than the Christmas tree that Starbucks actually paid me to decorate.” She nodded in the direction of an extremely gaudy tree that sat in the front of the store.

Kyle scowled. “Speaking of Starbucks paying you, shouldn’t you be working right now?”

“I’m on break. Stop trying to avoid the subject. I bet you all the money in that tips jar that if you look at him, he’ll—“

“Should you really be gambling with your co-workers’ hard earned dollars? I know you have to split the—“

“It’s mostly change.” Amy leaned her forearms on the counter. “If you’re so sure you’re right, then prove me wrong.”

Kyle sighed, knowing there would be no end to it until he appeased her. “Fine. Let the record show that this is ridiculous.”

“You love the ridiculous.”

He took a breath, suddenly anxious, which was ludicrous. He turned to face Dan and stared at him, reminding himself that if Dan didn’t react, it would not be the end of the world. The sun would still rise. Babies would still be born. Hearts would still beat. 

Dan’s face was furrowed in concentration as he listened to his phone, but he glanced up at Kyle’s attention. 

Again, Kyle tried to steady his thoughts. The world would still continue to spin. Life would go on. Dan’s reaction or lack thereof didn’t mean—

Dan held his stare.

The seasons would continue to change. Everything would go on as it did—

Dan’s entire expression suddenly gentled. His smile began in his eyes, grew across his face, and then spread across the room until it wrapped around Kyle.

“Take my money,” Kyle told Amy. “You can have all of it.”

She nudged the coffee cups closer to him. “Go ahead. Bring him his drink.”

Kyle picked up the coffees and studied them in an effort to stall for more time. He smirked when he saw that Amy had drawn horns and a devil’s tail on the ‘K’ for Kyle and a halo around the ‘D’ for Dan. “Traitor,” he muttered. 

“It’s funny and you know it. Now go,” Amy shooed him away and then turned back to work. Kyle gathered the drinks and went to Dan. As Kyle stopped just short of the mistletoe, Dan finished his call. 

“She told me to tell you hello,” he said, taking his coffee. 

“Your mum and I are long overdue for a chat. There’s no telling what sorts of lies about me you’re filling her head with. You can’t keep us apart forever, you know.” Kyle was desperately trying to keep his eyes from drifting upwards, but with little success.

“I don’t tell lie— what are you—“ Dan glanced up and studied the plant for what felt like a long time. “Oh,” he stated in conclusion. “Well, that’s mistletoe.”

Kyle nodded. “It is. You are correct.”

“Have I been under it this entire time?”

“Yes. In fact, you’re still standing under it, which is, is—“

Dan tilted his head, “Is what?” He calmly took a sip of his coffee, seemingly in no hurry to move. 

Kyle felt his mouth drop open and closed it immediately. The tips of his ears began to burn and he knew it would only be a matter of seconds before his entire face was an appalling shade of red. It wasn’t often that Kyle blushed, but it was a full body affair when he did. 

“Dan. What, we’re, you—“

Kyle’s words failed him entirely and Dan watched him flail about with a smirk on his face. Kyle knew _exactly_ what to do to remove the smirk, but they were in a fucking Starbucks and who could say what Dan would do? 

This time, Kyle was the one who huffed in exasperation. “We’re going to be late for rounds. I can’t exactly tell Dr. Farq-off it’s because you were trying to seduce me with the Christmas spirit.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” Dan wondered innocently and took another drink. 

Kyle forced himself to look away. This whole staying-on-the-nice-list business was going to be the end of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Hi all. Instead of posting a 5000+ word chapter, I split the holiday content into two. Look for another update later this week...


	10. ethyl myristate

The next day, Dan and Kyle were tending to an elderly gentleman in exam room 3. He insisted that they call him Clarence. Clarence was 72 years old and had fallen earlier that day. Kyle was taking the lead on his treatment. He sat on a stool, leaned over the patient’s left hand and inspected the index finger that had taken the brunt of his fall.

“Mr. Clarence, I can give you a lidocaine shot to numb the area, but I’m afraid there’s no way to avoid stitches.”

“I can’t believe all the fuss I’m causing,” Clarence replied in a somber voice. “All because I wanted to take an afternoon stroll.” 

Kyle wheeled the stool back with his heels and placed his hands on his knees. “You said you caught your foot on the curb?”

Clarence nodded. “I was crossing the street and didn’t step up high enough. Next thing I know, I’m on the ground with a million folks staring down at me and my hand lookin’ like this.” He sighed. “It hurt my pride more than anything else.”

“Well, you’re in for about three stitches on this finger,” Kyle said.

“I just wish it were a better story.”

Kyle grinned. “We’ll see if we can’t come up with something better while I sort this out for you. Maybe an adventure with you stopping some bank robbers or the like.” 

He was rewarded with Clarence’s laugh which was a deep, booming thing that filled the sterile room. Kyle looked over to Dan who he found was staring at him with an expression he couldn’t quite place. He made a mental note to add it to the never ending Dan!Wikipedia that existed only in his head. Dan’s expression was somewhere between the way he gazed at puppies and the way he looked when he was watching a movie that moved everyone else to tears. 

Kyle filed it away and shook it off in an instant, focusing back on Mr. Clarence. He reached for the metal tray that contained everything he needed for the suture. “So let’s talk about these bandits you helped apprehend, shall we?”

—

Afterwards, Dan opened his locker to grab his wallet for lunch money. “I see you do this each time we meet a new patient, but I still can’t figure how you do it.”

Kyle leaned against the steel surface and watched Dan with curiosity. “Do what exactly?”

“That man came in with a hugely bloody open wound on his finger. One that you and I both know had to fuckin’ _hurt_ —we could see his pulse in it—and the two of you invented stories and laughed like old chums while you stitched him back together. You put him at ease in an instant.”

“Ok. You’re giving me a lot of credit here. He was a nice man. Jovial, even. None of that was me.”

Dan closed the door to his locker. “ _All_ of that was you. You don’t give yourself enough…”

Kyle lifted his eyes up and suddenly noticed something green hanging overhead. He stood straight and studied it. Suspended from the ceiling directly over Dan’s locker was a bundle of mistletoe. This, this was the universe toying with his emotions. Or if not the universe, certainly someone on staff. He frantically began to go through the list of people who were tall and diabolical enough to place the plant in its current position. 

“…credit,” Dan finished and then noticed that Kyle was distracted. He glanced up, opened his mouth as if to speak, but seemed to think better of it and remained silent. 

“Was, was that there this morning?” Kyle sputtered. “I don’t recall—“

“Couldn’t say.” Dan lifted a shoulder in an ‘oh-what-can-you-do?’ sort of way.

“I don’t think it was,” Kyle insisted. “If I didn’t know better I’d—“ his words left him as Dan took the tiniest step towards him. Kyle’s body froze, but his mind went into a whirlwind of activity. Was Dan going to—

“TAAAACCCCOOOO TUESDAY,” cheered a voice on the side of the lockers. The proclamation was met by a chorus of cheers.

The spell, the moment, the-whatever-it-was broken and Dan retreated. 

Kyle had never had anything but the utmost love and adoration for tacos, but at that moment, he sort of loathed them.

—

The next week, Dan insisted they go food shopping. Kyle agreed because a) the food was for their first annual Die-Hard-Is-The-Best-Christmas-Movie-Christmas-Day-Festival to be held at Dan’s and b) it was unlikely that there would be any surprise mistletoe attacks at the supermarket.

Kyle had been diligent in his mission to avoid any and all mistletoe mishaps. It was two days before Christmas and he was so close to finishing out Saint Nick’s calendar year with A+ behavior. Furthermore, he was determined to not do anything to jeopardize his friendship with Dan. 

After the near disaster at their lockers, Kyle had amped up the amount of time he spent studying. The previous evening, Dan had been the one to call it a night and then beg Kyle to put his books away. Kyle had done the unthinkable: he had out-studied Dan. He could practically feel all of that medical knowledge coursing through his veins and while it was true that there were plenty of other things he’d _rather_ be feeling, they were off limits. Dan needed a study buddy and Kyle would settle for that. All in all, Kyle figured there were worse things than being able to quote the coagulation cascade etc etc on demand. 

“So what are you thinking?” Dan wondered as he pushed their shopping cart down an aisle.

“In general or, like, for our brunch?”

Dan considered the question before he spoke. “You know what? What the hell. Both.”

“The coagulation cascade,” Kyle replied, knowing better than to give a completely truthful answer. “And pancakes.” 

“Really?”

“Really. You can do pancakes, eh?”

“Of course I can do—“

“And maybe mimosas? I know that’s a bit posh, but it’s easier than Bloody Marys—“

Dan smirked. “You want to drink champagne while we watch Die Hard?”

“I can think of nothing better. I’m sure you’d rather drink something straight from the bottle, but it’s Christmas. Let’s class it up a bit.”

Dan shook his head in amusement and didn’t attempt to argue the point. “Alright, then. Pancakes, mimosas, Bruce Willis, what else?”

“Gifts!” Kyle glanced at Dan, paused and then rushed on. “Though it’s fine if you spent all of your Kyle money at the aquarium when you bought Soup. It’s completely alright if you haven’t gotten me anything else. I don’t want to assume, but I did get you—“

Dan continued to push the cart along as he spoke. “Kyle. Of course, I got you something. Come now.”

Kyle felt what he was sure was a dopey smile spread across his face but didn’t bother trying to stop it. Dan had gotten him a present. It made him want to float down the supermarket aisle.

“That reminds me, I need to see what sort of decorations they have here, it’s a bit sparse at my place.” Dan turned the corner and searched for the telltale signs of holiday colors and glitter. Two rows over, they found it. 

Kyle peered down the aisle that was filled to the brim with snowmen, Santas, reindeer, elves and the like. “Whoa. It’s as if Christmas exploded and these are the remains.”

Dan stopped to examine a gingerbread house building kit. “How are you at these?”

“Rubbish. Fantastic at consuming them though.”

“Curious to see what you’d do with one after a bottle of champagne.” The corners of Dan’s twitched up at the notion.

“It would be structurally unsound. Not fit for any gingerbread people to reside in. Buy it and you’ll see wha— oi!” Kyle’s eyes fell on a group of ceramic penguins bundled in hats and scarves. “They’ve got _penguins_!” He scampered over and carefully inspected them. Dan needed these—there were zero penguins in his flat—let alone ones as snazzy as these. He examined each one and though he wanted them all, he was nothing if not a man of restraint, and he selected his favorite three. 

Arms full of fragile penguins, Kyle turned and almost dropped them when he saw that Dan was leaning casually against a shelf that was full of mistletoe. The green plant surrounded Dan, it was to his left, to his right, over his head—it was bloody _everywhere_. 

Certain that the noise that escaped from him was so shrill that it could only be detected by dogs and dolphins, Kyle practically juggled the penguins to keep them from crashing to the floor. “What the fu—Dan! Mind where you stand!”

With a complete disregard to Kyle’s sanity, Dan seemed unfussed at what he found on the shelf. “Oh. This again, what are the odds?” Dan smiled and took his precious time in moving. 

Kyle carefully settled the penguins in the shopping cart and then took his place at its handle. He steered them far, far away from the mistletoe, frowning as he did so. 

The universe was clearly conspiring to lead him astray. 

—

Kyle’s place wasn’t far from Dan, both literally and figuratively.

Typically when Kyle went to Dan’s, he took his bike. It was a quick ride, but today he had Dan’s gift plus a few baked goods and there was no way to manage it all. Even though it made him feel like the laziest bastard alive, he was currently sitting in the back of an Uber on Christmas Day. Silently vowing to leave the largest gratuity of all time, Kyle made small talk with the driver. 

They pulled up to Dan’s and Kyle made sure he had all of his belongings, not that anyone else would want or even understand his present for Dan but all the same, it was Dan’s. 

Dan’s place was a loft at the very top of his building. Kyle had never thought twice about all of the doors and stairs between the street and Dan until now. Using his elbow to press elevator buttons and moving sideways down tight spaces like some sort of load-bearing-crab, he soon found himself standing in front of Dan’s. At a loss of a better idea, he kicked the bottom of the door to let Dan know he was there.

It swung open and for a moment, Kyle forgot how to speak. 

Dan was wearing an honest-to-God Christmas jumper—it had penguins engaging in all sorts of winter activities. Some were sledding, some skiing, a few cheeky ones were even snowboarding. 

Dan leaned forward to take some of the bundles from Kyle’s arms and Kyle continued to gape at him. “You look...“

“Like a complete prat, I know,” Dan reddened. “But I thought—"  


“…like the best thing I’ve ever seen.”

‘—you might like the—“ Dan stopped at Kyle’s words and he glanced up over Kyle’s head. He reached to push the frame of his glasses further along the bridge of his nose. 

Against all his better judgement, Kyle followed Dan’s eyes and was met with his plant nemesis. It hung merrily above both of their heads. “For the love of…,” Kyle muttered. He moved past Dan before he did something rash and tremendous like wrap his hands in Dan’s glorious penguin jumper, pull him close, and kiss the man senseless. 

Walking to Dan’s counter, he called out over his shoulder as he went. “So let me guess, your landlord is on this, too? Part of the ‘Decorate New Orleans with a Mistletoe’ campaign?”

Dan followed him into the kitchen. “Um, yes. Must be.” 

Kyle glanced up and met Dan’s eyes, suddenly wondering if Dan’s landlord _was_ the culprit. Before he could fully consider that and it’s implications, Dan spoke again.

“If you’ll prepare the drinks, I’ll fetch your gifts.” 

Dan scurried away before Kyle could even reply. 

Kyle rummaged through Dan’s fridge as he evaluated Dan’s behavior over the past couple of weeks. Kyle knew that he was an idiot when it came to Dan, but he was desperate to keep from misstepping. He had not forgotten how he felt the week he and Dan had all but stopped speaking to one another, though plenty of time had passed since then. While he believed Dan when he said that it wasn’t a rejection, Kyle remembered waking up each day of that falling out and feeling abandoned. Of feeling briefly considered, but ultimately cast away. 

Kyle didn’t know exactly what to call this thing that he had with Dan, but he knew he didn’t want to ruin it by doing something that Dan didn’t want. The trouble with that was that lately Dan did seem to want… well, something. Maybe. 

Kyle grabbed the champagne and a container of orange juice. He took the bottle to the sink and noticed that Dan had laid the corkscrew out for him, just as he often laid out the equipment needed for procedures at work. Kyle smiled and realized he was dangerously close to swooning. That just wouldn’t do. He needed his wits about him if he was to spend the entire day with Dan, pancakes, and booze.

The cork flew out and Kyle was pleased that most of the damage was contained within the sink. He stared at the bottle and decided he couldn’t wait to pour it into a glass—he needed the alcohol sooner than that. He brought the bottle to his mouth and took a swig.

Dan laughed as he walked back into the kitchen. “Class it up, you said?”

Kyle shrugged and brought his wrist to his mouth to brush off the excess wine. “Since when do you listen to me?”

Dan held out his palms for the bottle and grinned as Kyle handed it over. “All the time, actually.” He nodded at three ceramic holiday penguins that were prominently displayed on the ledge separating the kitchen from the lounge. He smiled and then drank straight from the bottle.

Kyle only allowed himself a brief second to watch Dan and turned away before he was tempted to do things that would only lead him into trouble. His eyes fell on his poorly wrapped gift for Dan. “Presents! Let’s go ahead with them.”

Dan nodded, set the bottle down, and handed Kyle an envelope. “I, I know it doesn’t look like much, but go on, open it.” Kyle scanned the card, which had a fairly standard Happy Holidays message. He tried to be calm and cool when he saw that it was signed ‘love, Dan.’ Dan loved loads of people. (Probably.) Kyle would study the entire thing more extensively when he was alone later. 

“A Starbucks gift card?” Kyle wondered, holding it up. 

“I did the maths on what I owe you.”

“Dan, you don’t owe—half of the time Amy doesn’t even charge me for yours. No one drinks black coffee.”

Dan waved his words away. “There’s something else in there.”

There was a sheet of carefully folded paper. Kyle opened it and rapidly read it. “It’s an advert for the Georgia Aquarium?”

“They have this penguin encounter that has tons of great reviews. If the penguin feels up to it, you can pet it and have your picture with it. I’ve seen some of the photos and well, it’s pretty fucking cool.”

Kyle blinked in silence as Dan talked, his mind processing a million things at once. 

“I, I didn’t buy the tickets yet, but I will. I thought if you wanted, we could go over to Atlanta on our spring break, maybe book an Airbnb. Make a whole trip of it. If, if you wanted,” Dan paused and waited. 

Kyle knew this was the time he was supposed to talk, but he was having difficulties—the idea of petting a penguin and taking a holiday with Dan seemed too good to be true.

Dan looked unsure. “Kyle? What do you—“

“It’s perfect. We should, yes. Let’s go to Atlanta and meet some penguins.” Before he could think too much more about it, he leaned over and pulled Dan into a hug. He rested his chin on Dan’s shoulder. “Thank you.” Dan wrapped his arms around him and Kyle felt as if this was his real gift from Dan. It was all he really wanted.

But that wouldn’t do. That was the sort of thing that had led to trouble before. Kyle was not going to be the one who led them back down that path. 

He cleared his throat and pulled away from Dan. “So my gift isn’t nearly as good, but no take backs.” 

Dan picked up the bundle from his table and began tearing the paper from it. As the gift revealed itself, Kyle watched joy spread across Dan’s face. 

“A trophy!” Dan laughed as he examined it. “It’s a doctor, yeah? He’s got a lab coat and a stethoscope. And he’s holding… a microphone?” His eyes darted to Kyle’s.

“Because he’s a doctor by day, karaoke star by night,” Kyle explained.

Dan’s hee-hee yeahs filled the loft as he peered closer at the trophy. He read the plaque at the base. “World’s Best Dan.”

Kyle smiled as he watched Dan’s genuine delight over what surely must be the dumbest trophy anyone had ever special ordered in the history of the world.

“It’s going to look perfect on the shelf next to the brewery trophy. I love it. I truly do.” Dan looked at him and Kyle suddenly wished for mistletoe for the first time that holiday season. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” he managed. “Truly.”

Dan studied him, as if trying to decide whether Kyle was having a go of him. Seeming to come to some sort of conclusion, he asked, “Do you want to come with me to the brewery for their New Year’s Eve thing?”

“I’d like that.”

Dan grinned as if that settled the matter. “Good. Let’s make some pancakes. I’m starving.” 

Kyle grabbed the champagne and pointed the bottle in Dan’s direction. “Cheers to that,” he said before tipping it back for another drink.

—

It was a quarter til midnight and Kyle was hiding from Dan. 

Dan had left him no other choice. 

The New Year’s Eve party at the brewery was going brilliantly, and Kyle wasn’t going to be the one who ruined it.

Earlier, Dan had met Kyle at his front door, looking like some sort of dream. Kyle knew that Dan loathed dressing up, but it seemed he’d had a change of heart this night. Kyle was almost certain Dan had taken an iron to his clothes. (Who knew that Dan owned an iron, much less could actually operate it?) 

He walked with Kyle to the brewery and stayed close to his side all evening long. If it weren’t for the fact that he was with Dan and that he knew better, Kyle could’ve sworn that he was on a date. 

But that was wishful thinking on his part. 

They’d sat together at this place a million times before. Sure, Dan’s clothes matched and he wasn’t wearing his ratty trainers, but that didn’t mean they were falling in love. There was also the minor detail that Kyle had long since fallen for Dan. There was nothing new about that. 

So nothing had changed, not really. 

All the same, Kyle wasn’t taking any chances. As the hours ticked away and grew closer to midnight, he knew that he would have to take drastic measures if he was to keep himself from pulling Dan close when the new year arrived. 

Hiding outside the brewery from Dan wasn’t the most innovative idea Kyle had ever had, but he was desperate. He only needed to disappear for a handful of minutes. By 12:01 he’d reappear at Dan’s side, crisis averted: new year, same old head-over-heels-Kyle, same old let’s-be-best-mates-forever-Dan. 

Eyes glued to his phone, willing time to move faster, he began to panic when text notifications from Dan covered his screen. The texts were arriving one after another and Kyle hadn’t the foggiest idea of how to reply. All he had was his truth and he knew that it might silence Dan altogether. 

Kyle looked up as he heard the door to the brewery open and light flooded all around him. Dan walked out and squinted as he scanned the darkness and Kyle knew Dan was searching for him. Flustered, he leaned back against a wall and slouched down behind a giant plant. Kyle took a moment to bless the unseasonably warm New Orleans weather that allowed for plants to remain outdoors in bloody December. He peered through the leaves and watched as Dan glanced down to send a text.

Kyle was most definitely the biggest idiot in the universe because not only was he hiding from _Dan_ , he had neglected to silence his phone while doing so.

A loud DING filled the air as he received Dan’s text, and Kyle held his breath. Maybe Dan wouldn’t—

Dan jerked his head in the direction of the sound. He paused, then sent another text. 

DING. 

Dan took a step towards the plant and Kyle frantically racked his brain for anything that would explain his current location.

Dan tapped his phone twice.

DING DING.

Kyle looked at his phone’s screen which was rapidly filling with penguin emojis and knew he was being hunted.

Dan began texting like he was playing a video game. 

DINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDINGDING

Kyle closed his eyes and waited. 

Dan suddenly appeared and stood before him. He stared at the plant and then at Kyle. “I have so many questions.”

“You always do.”

Dan nodded as if that were a fair point. “To start, why are you hiding behind a plant?”

“Because it’s almost midnight.” Kyle didn’t think Dan would let him get away with that one but figured he’d give it a shot. 

Dan blinked. “Let me rephrase the question. Why are you hiding from me?”

Kyle was relieved there were only the street lamps and leftover Christmas lights to keep them from being in total darkness. He wasn’t sure he could face the truth in full light.

“Because it’s almost midnight,” he repeated. “And because I didn’t want to ruin everything again. I promise I wasn’t ditching you—12:01 and I was coming right back to you.”

Dan frowned and Kyle’s heart dropped. He was certain he was fucking it up again; he could feel everything start to slip away. 

“Kyle. Hey. Look at me.”

As he faced the prospect of Dan’s rejection, his disappointment, Kyle struggled to meet his sight. Until now, there had never been a need for Dan to make that request of Kyle. Kyle was always quick to watch Dan, to make sure he was alright, to do whatever was needed to make Dan happy whether it was to tell a terrible joke or to move a mountain. 

Kyle lifted his chin and did as Dan asked. 

“Let me be clear. You never ruined anything. Everything that happened that night? I wanted it. Christ. I wanted _more_.” 

Dan’s eyes were earnest and while Kyle appreciated his honesty, his brain couldn’t help but fixate on how Dan kept using the past tense. He stayed silent, not trusting his voice. He felt Dan’s stare and as was always the case, he wasn’t sure what Dan was thinking.

Dan sighed. “Right now I can’t offer you anything more than this. Fuck. I wish we were done with this residency. I wish it were just you and me.”

In the distance Kyle heard voices beginning to count down to midnight. 

Twenty seconds to go.

Dan blinked. “If you’re hiding out here because you don’t want to kiss me, I get that. Believe me, I do.”

Fifteen.

“But I invited you to this party and I’ve been throwing myself under every piece of mistletoe in this city because I’d really like to kiss you.”

Ten.

Dan stepped towards Kyle. “Unless you tell me otherwise, I’m, I’m going to—“

Five.

Dan’s voice broke off as Kyle reached forward and pulled Dan lightly by his shirt. Pity it was going to be wrinkled after Dan had taken such care with it earlier. 

Three.

Dan didn’t bother waiting for midnight.

He pressed his lips to Kyle’s while the crowd chanted the remaining seconds and Dan continued kissing him long after everyone else had fallen silent. 

The others might have finished celebrating, but the two of them were just getting started.   



	11. January 5th

“So that alert on the trauma pager last night…” Kyle leaned against the counter of the nurses’ station and directed his words to the top of Laura’s head. She was multitasking as usual: her head down, charting and going through lab orders to ensure nothing had been missed. He studied the gravity-defying bun in which she had somehow arranged her dark hair. He wasn’t sure how it remained upright, yet not a single hair was astray. Nurses truly could do anything they set their minds to.

“You’ll have to be more specific,” she replied, glancing up from her computer. “There were a ton of cases.”

“I think you know the one I mean—the one I sincerely hope is a typo. If not, then we’re all done for.” He frowned as he continued. “Unrestrained _spider_?” 

“Kyle.” 

“Laura.”

She shook her head, hair still perfectly in place, before returning her focus to her work. Undeterred, Kyle pulled a pen from the pocket of his lab coat, turned it over in his hands, and pressed on.

“I had a couple of thoughts at the time. One, is that, technically, most spiders are unrestrained, yeah? They do as they bloody well please—which, honestly, is the biggest problem with them.” He peered at Laura, who seemed to be intent on ignoring him, but he could see a small smile on her face. “Two, it sounds like a terrifying monster film. I could just picture this ginormous spider wreaking havoc on exam room 4. Almost called out for today over it.”

“Is that why Dan is nowhere to be found?” Laura wondered. “Sort of unusual to see you alone. Not that isn’t an absolute treat to hear your random dissertations.”

“It’s not _so_ unusual. I’m very independent.” Kyle chose to ignore what sounded like a snort coming from Laura. He pointed his pen in her direction. “He’ll be in later. Had some sort of appointment this morning. Anyway. I know that secretly, you love my impromptu Ted Talks. Remember the one about queso? I thought you were about to weep.”

She laughed. “Well, you were on point about that. It is the superior way to consume cheese.”

Kyle nodded. “Yeah. See? I thought so.” From the corner of his eye, he saw Dr. Barnes walking at a brisk clip towards them. Kyle stood up straight and shoved his pen back into his pocket. 

Dr. Barnes stopped just outside exam room 4 and motioned to him. “Dr. Simmons, care to assist me on this one?”

Kyle nodded but, before he left, asked Laura, “Jokes aside, how was the unrestrained driver from last night?” 

“Luckiest person in the city. Aside from bruising from the air bag, not a scratch on him.”

“Good, good.” He tapped the counter twice with his fingertips and then hurried to join Dr. Barnes. 

—

Over lunch, Kyle took a moment to review his day. He had gone through the morning treating various patients for all sorts of things, and he had to admit that Laura might’ve been correct. (Not that he’d ever admit it to her.) It wasn’t as if Kyle were incapable of tending to his patients—certainly, he knew what to do for migraines, low grade fevers, and rolled ankles—but it wasn’t quite the same without Dan by his side. 

He wondered if perhaps he was leaning too much on Dan; if maybe he should be preparing for when he and Dan didn’t spend the majority of their work shifts together. There would come a time in their rotations when they’d begin handling their cases individually. Even further down the line, they’d be finished with the program and then what? Kyle both longed for and dreaded those days in equal measure. 

He and Dan hadn’t had a proper talk about what that future looked like—what life would be like when there were no longer restrictions on whatever it was that they had.

Kyle knew that if the residency ended that very day, he’d happily follow Dan to wherever he wanted to go. But one couldn’t just _say_ a thing like that to a person they’d kissed a handful of glorious times. 

As if Kyle’s thoughts had somehow summoned Dan (and what a world _that_ would be, with such powers), his phone vibrated and a photo of Dan wearing a penguin-holiday-themed jumper filled his screen. Kyle slid his thumb across the image, thinking it was odd that Dan was actually calling as opposed to sending a text. 

“Everything alright?” Kyle asked, too anxious to waste time with hello.

“Mostly,” Dan replied. “I need you—“

Kyle felt his pulse skip at the words. Always ready to leap to Dan’s aid, he gathered his half-eaten lunch and tossed it into the nearest bin. 

“—to help me. Can you meet me?”

As if there were any possibility of more than one answer to that question. 

Kyle hurried out of the breakroom. “I’m already on my way. Where are you?”

“Don’t laugh, but the second level of the multistory car park.”

“Wh—but you don’t have a car. Why would—”

“Call me once you’re off the lift and I’ll tell you how to find me,” Dan said in a rushed voice. 

Kyle sped up his steps at the sound of it. “You can’t meet me? I have to find you?”

“It’ll all make sense, I promise.”

Kyle frowned as he puzzled over why he was embarking on a Dan-scavenger-hunt in the car park over his lunch break. It wasn’t the weirdest thing they’d done together, but it was bizarre. “You’re certain you’re alright?”

“I will be. Just let me know when you’ve arrived. But don’t text—you’ll need to call.”

“Got it. I’ll be there in a few.” Kyle went to end the conversation but paused when he heard Dan through the line.

“And Kyle?”

“Yeah, Dan?” He wondered what additional challenge Dan was about to add to this already nonsensical mission. Perhaps Kyle was now meant to leave one of his trainers in the lift before phoning Dan. Not that he wouldn’t do it, but still—

“Thank you. I’d be fairly lost without you.”

Well. After hearing a thing like that, it was all Kyle could do to keep from sprinting down the hallways.

—

Kyle stepped out into the car park, giving his eyes a second to adjust to the change of light. It was a poorly lit space on the best of days contrasting sharply against the fluorescence that covered every inch of the hospital. He fumbled for his mobile and called Dan. Given the buildup to the thing, he was surprised that it rang five times before Dan answered it. His ‘hullo’ sounded miles away.

“I’m here. Where the devil are you?” Kyle asked with no real malice.

“Take a left and then all the way across the carpark. I’m in the very back corner.”

Kyle followed the instructions and journeyed further into the dark. The hospital really should’ve sprung for some better lighting. It was spooky as fuck even in the middle of the day. Horror films began in less ominous settings. “You aren’t going to murder me, are you?” he wondered in a dry tone. 

“That’s exactly it, this has been one elaborately planned long con. I got into medical school for this very purpose. You can’t imagine the time and expense I’ve put into—”

“Alright, alright. Somebody has a lot of jokes today. Good for—” Kyle’s words died in his throat as he spotted Dan. 

Dan sat on the curb in his lab coat and scrubs. Wrapped around his face were huge, flimsy, darkly tinted plastic glasses. Kyle didn’t bother hiding his amusement; there was no way Dan could see it. 

“So your appointment this morning...” Kyle said.

“What about it?”

“It wouldn’t just happen to have been at the optometrist, now would it?” Kyle watched as a scowl formed on Dan’s face, and he frantically began to try and locate Kyle.

“Then you know very well that I can’t see properly at the moment!”

It wasn’t until Kyle stood directly in front of him that Dan recognized him. Kyle quickly snapped a picture. It was simply too amazing to not capture Dan in his current state. Kyle lowered his body, sat on the curb, and then gently elbowed Dan’s side. “Your phone’s upside down, by the way.”

Dan grumbled as he shoved it into his pocket. “Did you take a photo just now?”

“Of course I did. You’re out here sitting on the ground looking like a flippin dilated-pupil-supermodel.” Kyle reached over and waved his hand before Dan’s face.

“You do know that I’m not actually blind, yeah? I just can’t—”

“See. Right.” Kyle leaned back, placed his weight on his palms and stretched his legs out in front of him. Leaning a shoulder next to Dan’s, he wondered, “How is it that you’re planning to work, if you can’t read or recognize things that aren’t immediately before you?”

Dan sighed but didn’t move away. “When I made the appointment, I didn’t think they’d be dilating my eyes. It seemed a waste to take a day off work for an eye exam.”

“Fair. It isn’t as if we have loads of personal holiday time. Still, this is a bit extreme. Even for you.”

“It’s getting better, though! I just hoped that maybe, maybe you could wait with me until it cleared. It took me bloody forever to get from the clinic to here.”

Kyle bumped against Dan. “Oi. Call me for stuff like that. Can’t have you wandering into traffic. You could’ve—”

“I know, I just thought I could manage—” 

“You don’t have to do it alone. I’ve got you,” Kyle said and meant it with everything he had. “You do realize that, yeah?”

Dan’s ears turned pink and he dipped his chin to his chest. “I hear you.”

“Good.”

“The same goes for you. I mean, not that you ever seem to need anything, but should you, I, well, I’m here.” 

Kyle wished that he could take the glasses from Dan, so desperate was he to see his eyes in this moment. Knowing that he couldn’t, he shifted and wrapped an arm around Dan instead. Resting his chin on Dan’s shoulder, Kyle tried to be brave. 

“I need all sorts of things.” Kyle felt a hitch in Dan’s breath and took it as a sign of encouragement. “Can we please just talk?” Kyle asked. “I just—”

“Kyle. We should be cautious here. Once we say something, we can’t just _un_ say it. We can’t take it back.” Dan’s voice didn’t sound nearly as sure as his words did. 

“What if I don’t want to take it back? What if I want to keep it?” Kyle took a deep breath. “What if I want to keep you?”

Dan was silent and Kyle worried that he’d said too much, worried that he had done the very thing Dan cautioned him not to do. Almost in the same manner that Kyle examined patients, he studied Dan—hoping to find some indication of what was going on inside of him. 

What Kyle found caused a small flicker of hope to ignite in his chest. 

Because there, on the side Dan’s neck, trailing up behind his ear, were goosebumps. 

Kyle knew better than to make a definitive diagnosis on this piece of evidence alone. Yet, he was powerless to stop the spark of optimism that was fast fanning into a flame that he felt from his head to his toes. 

Dan reached up, pulled the glasses from his face, and turned towards Kyle. In the darkness, Kyle could tell how blown his pupils still were. His eyes were pitch black, framed with a brilliant shade of blue. (Had Amy been there, Kyle reflected, she likely would’ve called them an Indigo Blue.) 

“Can you even see me right now?” Kyle wondered.

The corners of Dan’s mouth lifted in response. “I see you, Kyle. I _always_ see you.” 

Dan closed the very small space between them and bumped his nose softly against Kyle’s left brow. He pulled back and rested his cheek against his own shoulder, just centimetres away from Kyle. 

Kyle wanted to do a lot of things. He wanted to slide his hands under Dan’s chin and bring him closer. He wanted to press his lips against every freckle on Dan’s face. He wanted to see how many more goosebumps he could raise on Dan’s skin in the time it took his eyes to undilate. He wanted, he wanted, he wanted—. 

“You’d like to keep me?” Dan’s voice was so soft, that had Kyle not been a breath away, he would have missed it entirely.

Kyle pressed his face against Dan’s shoulder. “Very much so, yes.”

Dan closed his eyes and Kyle could hear him take a shaky breath. “I’m not going anywhere. We have so much time left in this residency.”

“That isn’t exactly the same thing though, is it? 

“No, I suppose not.” Dan sighed and lifted his head up. “I’m sorry. I feel as if I should have an answer for you. But no matter how many times I go over it, no matter how many lists I make, there isn’t a clear solution. As much as I’d like to ride off in the sunset with you, we still have to wake up and go to work in the morning. And I can’t, can’t—” He came to an abrupt stop as he looked at Kyle. “Are you about to laugh—”

Kyle moved his chin away from Dan’s shoulder but remained close to his side. “I’m just well pleased is all. You’ve made a list! A list is the highest honor a Dan can bestow.”

Dan’s face flushed red. “Lists are quite practical. You really—”

“And you’ve thought about riding off in the sunset with me?” Kyle’s teeth flashed as he grinned. “Is that, is that on the list, too?”

Dan scowled and looked like an angry puppy. “I’m attempting to have a serious conversation with you, and you’re just having a go at me.”

“Perhaps if you put the plastic sunglasses back on?”

Dan fixed Kyle with a dark stare. “There’s nothing wrong with protecting your dilated pupils from the elements after an examination. It’s the sensible thing to do. Also, I’ll have you know, lists can provide clarity and concise answers to any number of things. And I know sunsets are basically pollution, but who gives a fuck? They’re lovely and I like looking at them with you.”

Kyle took a second to note the date (January 5th) because it was at that moment he decided he was going to do everything in his power to someday marry this ridiculous, perfect man. 

“Yes,” Kyle said aloud. “I’d very much like to keep you.”

“Humpfh,” came Dan’s elegant answer, but it was accompanied by the world’s tiniest smile. 

“So just so I’m clear, are we allowed to kiss? Or is it just, like, on special occasions, like holidays and things?”

Dan’s mouth fell open. “Jesus. Kyle you know we can’t just go ‘round—”

Kyle nodded as if he were a soldier who had just been given his orders. “Right then, just holidays. I can work with that.” He pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the calendar. “Never gave a shit about groundhogs before, but looks like that’s the next one up, so wooo groundhogs, fuck yeah.”

Dan seemed to be a lovely mixture of being both pleased and overwhelmed. “Ah, um. There’s a film. With Bill Murray. We could get together then and watch it?”

“Absolutely. We’ll sort the details later.” Kyle was happy to see a smile grow across Dan’s face. Kyle peered closer when he saw that Dan’s eyes had changed. “Look at you, you’re Indigo Blue again!”

Dan tilted his head. “I don’t know what that means.”

“May I?” Kyle held his right hand up and reached towards Dan’s chin. 

“May you... what exactly?” Dan wondered. “S’not a holiday so—”

“You know, examine you. I am a doctor, after all. This is strictly a professional request.”

Dan’s laughter rang out and seemed to bounce off of the concrete walls. “ _That_ has got to be the worst pickup line anyone has ever—”

Kyle bumped his elbow into Dan’s ribs.“You absolute prat. You drag me out here in the middle of my lunch break, I offer to help you, and this is the thanks I get?”

“Alright, alright.” Dan made a big show of turning to face Kyle and leaned forward to stick his chin out. “You’ve got my consent.” He paused and added solemnly, “Doctor.”

Rather than bother with a reply, Kyle placed his thumb underneath Dan’s chin and gently lifted it up. He watched as the smile slid from Dan’s face. The glee in Dan’s eyes morphed into something else entirely. Kyle was fairly certain he knew what it was but wasn’t sure he should voice it aloud. Instead, he did as promised and stated in a professional tone, “Your pupils are back to normal. How does everything look?” 

Dan’s gaze didn’t waver from Kyle’s as he considered his answer. “Everything looks... really, really good.”

And, well, Kyle couldn’t argue with that.

It was if every nerve cell in his damn body was firing a synapse all at once. Kyle tried to sort through them to find an acceptable course of action, though it was proving to be difficult. The chaotic messages varied from ‘seduce-Dan-in-a-car-park’ to ‘convince-Dan-to-elope.’ Before he could even make a decision about any of it, he heard two familiar loud beeps ring out.

In tandem, the two men immediately reached into the deep pockets of their lab coats for their pagers. Kyle read the alert and then glanced at Dan. “I didn’t know we were allowed to use swears in our messages.”

“We’re not. It’s in the employee conduct handbook.” Dan stood and raised his eyebrows as Kyle huffed in amusement. “What? It is!” 

“I don’t think Dr. Farq-off has spent much time bothering with the hospital conduct code.” From his place on the curb, Kyle extended his hands out towards Dan.

“Judging from that page, I should say not,” Dan noted as he grabbed Kyle’s hands and pulled him to his feet. 

They both set off at a brisk pace, knowing that the longer they kept the attending physician waiting, the angrier he would be. As they moved back into the building, Dan glanced over to Kyle. “Did you see the thing about the unrestrained spider last night?”

Kyle shuddered. “Terrifying, but as it turns out, completely false. It was an error. I’ve kept an eye out all morning though, just in case.”

They turned a corner and Dan kept his voice down as they walked. “Aren’t all spiders unrestrained? Aside from ones kept as pets or at the zoo?”

Kyle bumped his hand against Dan’s forearm. “That’s what I said! Those mofos are free range.”

Dan smiled for a brief moment before he wrinkled his forehead. “How was the driver? I assume it was an MVC.”

“It was, yes. Laura said that the driver turned out alright.”

Dan nodded and opened his mouth to reply but stopped when their pagers alerted again. Without discussing it, they doubled their steps and hurried to meet their fate. 

—

The evening found them at the brewery. 

Kyle sat with his forearms resting on the bar. He was feeling warm and pleasant for all sorts of reasons: his half-consumed pint, his knee resting against Dan’s, a plate of dumplings from the food truck, the knowledge that his work day was behind him, the satisfaction of a job well done.

He nudged Dan to get his attention. “Mate, can you hand me a napkin?” 

Dan set his food down and stretched to reach the dispenser, leaving his plate unattended. Kyle moved fast and grabbed a few pieces of Dan’s edamame. By the time Dan returned, Kyle had already settled back into position and had shovelled two of the edamame into his mouth. 

“Thanks,” he grinned, taking the napkin from Dan. Maybe it was all in his head, but stolen edamame tasted even better than lawfully purchased ones.It was the perfect crime.

“I totally saw all of that,” a voice drawled from across the counter.

Kyle met Steve’s stare. “I dunno what you mean,” he replied with the innocence of a newly born child. 

Dan looked between the two of them. “What exactly am I missing here?”

“Nothing!”

“About three pieces of edamame from what I could see.”

Kyle tilted his head and frowned at Steve. “Really? I trusted you.”

With no hint of expression on his face, Steve shrugged. “I’m not one to stand idly by and watch thefts go down.”

Dan’s arm reached across Kyle and he watched as Dan wrapped his hand around Kyle’s pint of beer. Dan slid it across the counter and then brought it to his mouth for a drink. The glass was empty when Dan set it back down. “Cheers!” he smiled.

“I suppose fair is fair,” Kyle mumbled. “Though I must say that the consequence was a bit disproportionate to the action.” 

“Should’ve thought of that before.” Dan lifted a shoulder. 

Kyle fixed him with a wide-eyed stare and stuck his lower lip out just slightly. He was fairly certain that Dan was immune to such things but figured it couldn’t hurt to try. Kyle watched as Dan’s gaze lowered, no longer maintaining eye contact but instead staring at his mouth.

Dan took a brief second to recover before he shook his head as if to clear it. “Are you pouting?”

Keeping the expression in place, Kyle replied, “Maybe.”

Despite himself, Dan huffed in amusement. “Steve, please get this sad sack another beer.”

Kyle beamed as Steve grabbed a new glass and placed a pint under the tap. Wrapped around the decorative handle of the tap were shiny green beads. Kyle felt everything shift into place as he stared at the necklace. 

“Oi, can I ask you a New Orleans-related question?” 

Steve placed the drink in front of Kyle. “Of course. Why else do I wake each day, but to provide answers to every one of your many queries.”

Dan didn’t bother to hide his ‘hee hee yeahs’ of glee, but Kyle was not one to let that deter him. He pressed on and asked Steve in a casual tone, “So would you say that Mardi Gras is a holiday?” 

It was with some satisfaction that Kyle noticed Dan’s laugh fell silent in an instant.

“Most definitely it’s a holiday,” Steve confirmed. “The entire city is gonna shut down for about a week.”

Kyle turned and looked at Dan. “Did you hear that, Daniel? An entire _week’s_ worth of a holiday. Have you ever heard of anything better than that?”

Dan’s face flushed more than a little pink. “Sounds wicked,” he managed and then took another swig of beer.

Kyle glanced at Steve. “We love a good holiday.”

“You know, my uncle has a shop just off the parade route over on Canal street,” Steve said. “The Endymion parade is that Saturday and we always go big for it. I’m talking ridiculous amounts of booze, a crawfish boil and everything else. They’d get a kick out of the two of you. Y’all should come.”

“Are you sure? I wouldn’t want to impose on anyone,” Dan replied.

“Lord, Dan, you’re so polite. My family is gonna love you. Yeah, I’m sure.” Steve made a face that Kyle was fairly certain was a smile. 

“Right then,” Dan nodded. “Sounds good. Thank you.”

“I’m definitely in,” Kyle added. 

“Fantastic. I’ll give you the details when we get closer to time. For now, I must bid you adieu as I’m afraid the gentlemen at the end of the bar need my attention.” Steve turned and left them.

Kyle grinned and bumped his knee against Dan’s. “Who knew there were so many holidays in a calendar year?”

Dan looked down and picked up a few pieces of edamame from his plate. He held them up in offering to Kyle. “Almost as if you knew that before we made that deal in the carpark.” 

Kyle took the food but paused before eating. “You don’t regret it, do you?”

The right side of Dan’s face lifted in a half-smile. “Regret what? The edamame or the holiday deal?”

“Both, I suppose.”

Kyle felt Dan’s hand settle on top of his knee. 

“No. I don’t regret any of it.” He squeezed Kyle’s knee before bringing his hand back up to the countertop. “I’ve never cared so much for groundhogs in my entire life.”

“They really are remarkable creatures,” Kyle confirmed.

Dan shrugged in a comically large fashion. “I mean, they’re no penguins, but—”

Kyle laughed.

Yes, this was an excellent day. He hoped one day he’d look back and be able to claim it as a Dan and Kyle holiday. 

Kyle imagined a calendar hanging on the wall of the kitchen they would someday share together. The month of January would feature a photo of a ridiculously cute kitten or penguin. The dates on the bottom half of the calendar would have one particular day circled in red. There’d be a note scribbled in the box for January 5th— _the day it all began._


End file.
